Children with Anxiety

Whether your child is at home with you or at school all day, or even living with another parent, you may notice that he or she exhibits some symptoms of anxiety. After living a life trying to avoid anxiety, God blessed me with my own anxious child. I have worked very hard to help teach him how to deal with stress or how to cope without knowing what's going to happen next, and I think I've done a pretty good job. I sure wish I had some help with this early on! Some symptoms of child anxiety include:

• Unexplained physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches.
  
• Being nervous, jittery, and hypersensitive.
  
• Decreased school performance or a lack of concentration.
  
• Avoidance of social activities or not wanting to spend as much time with friends.
  
• Tics, nervous habits, or compulsive behavior such as nail biting or hair pulling.
  
• Dangerous behavior such as cutting or drug and alcohol abuse.
  
• Excessive moodiness or outbursts of anger.
  
• Persistent worry that seems unjustified for the situation.
  
• Sleep changes or activity level changes.
  
• School avoidance or refusal.
  
• Being unusually or overly self-critical.
  
• A high need for reassurance.
  
• Outbursts of anger or oppositional behavior, even though you know in your heart they’re a good kid, they just have all this anxious energy coming out all wrong.
  

My child had a lot of anxiety whenever he was going to something new. A new Sunday school class, a new activity, a new sport, or meeting new people...he always had to know how everything would go before he got there. Since often I had no idea, I went with him for the first few visits until he felt comfortable with the people there. I never stopped taking him to things or signing up for things. By the time he was six, he trusted that I would not bring him somewhere that would cause any problems for him, and his anxiety diminished. There are a LOT of other things that cause anxiety in children and sometimes the solution isn't so easy. The reason this subject has come up for me again is that there is a little girl in my life who was put on an anti-depressant for migraine headaches. She has a diagnosed anxiety disorder, which is likely where the headaches are coming from. But she started the medication at age seven, and the medication is known to help bi-polar disorder with a "side effect" of helping with migraine headaches. This concerns me. The child has still not been given any means of dealing with her anxiety, and now she is drugged. It makes me very sad. If I were starting over with my anxious child, I would check out this program. It is a much better idea than spending hundreds of dollars on ineffective counseling or drugs. Not only does it help with the core problem, the anxiety, but it also provides tools for the parent in how to deal with the anxiety. Most parents, unless they suffered from an anxiety disorder themselves, do not know how to recognize anxiety in their children or how to help them with it. But if you do recognize it, and don't know what to do...now you do. Check it out!

Is your children's school making them sick?

When our schools are updated and technologically advanced, we think it's a great thing because our kids will learn things that help them make it in our technologically advanced world. Unfortunately, there is a drawback when it comes to these schools, or in some cases classrooms, when it comes to our children's health. The electrosmog generated by WI-FI and charging computers, not to mention all the other electronics that schools have been using for ages, is reaching a catastrophic level in classrooms, causing numerous illnesses, including cancer. Read this story about a school in La Quinta, CA and their increase in cancer incidences in teachers AND children.

The good thing is, you can choose to keep your kids at home. But then the question is, is your home much better? For more information and to learn what you can do at home, here is a great place to start: Worse than Cigarettes? The Silent Enemy Harming Your Health Today...
Make sure you read the readers' comments at the end of the article. There are often suggestions there from people who know more or what they have done to solve the problem in their homes.

Should kids be allowed on facebook?

Short answer...NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I've been on facebook for a few years now, I guess, after trying to avoid it as long as possible. What I have discovered during that time is that it is NOT for kids. The minimum age is 13, but estimated figures show that 7 million kids under 13 (5 million of them being 10 and under!) are already on facebook. This is alarming.
In the last year, the number of accounts being hacked has gone up tremendously according to the pornography I have seen come through on friend's profiles. Just the other day, it came through on a 5th grader's page! The pornography is often in the form of a video, but you don't have to click on the video to be exposed, as the picture on the post is enough to be shocked. Sometimes it is "just" a picture.
I'm not sure how people's accounts get hacked, as it's not happened to me yet. I don't know if it's carelessness on their part or just bad luck. But what I do know is that it's happening, and our children should be protected from exposure to these images.
Recently I saw that Mark Zuckerberg, founder of facebook, is trying to lower the minimum age to allow all children on facebook. He thinks the age limit is ridiculous. He also does not have kids. Of course he wants to allow kids on facebook legally so that he has a completely new target audience to sell ads for. Duh. But even if this does happen, I caution all parents who will consider the age they allow their children on facebook. Sometimes it takes common sense and not laws to determine the age at which our children should be set free on a social website. Imagine also a child who accepts a "friend" he does not know. This happened recently to a friend of mine. His 11 year-old son accepted a friend request from a half naked 20-something year-old woman from California. That's scary enough. But what if this woman was really a 60 year-old man looking for a young boy to play with? His account has been deleted.

When Hard Work Pays Off

My son has been swimming on a summer league for about four years. After last season's final swim meet, he was determined to figure out exactly how to do breaststroke correctly. He worked and worked. Asked for instruction. "Am I doing it right?"
Yesterday he swam in his first swim meet of the summer. He did great on backstroke. Then came breaststroke, which was once his WORST event. I watched his stroke. Then came the tears. He was doing it! Pull, kick, glide. Pull, kick, glide. And he was moving forward! I literally was so overwhelmed for him that tears came to my eyes. He got first in his heat, but only 14th overall. I told him now that he knows how to do the stroke correctly, he can practice, practice, practice, and get stronger and better and faster. I love it when kids learn that their work will pay off! Such a great lesson in perseverance!

(After the swim meet we went to the Y pool to start working on getting those swimming muscles. My son worked REALLY hard. I swam a lot, too, after not swimming for a quite a while. We were supposed to go back to the pool this morning, but when I asked him if he still wanted to go, he said, "NO! I'm sore!" I don't blame him. I am, too! Sometimes hard work hurts!)

When Parents Don't Parent

I almost hit the roof today. I knew it was coming. I'm not sure why I let it get to me so. Perhaps the anxiety of whether or not I will be able to pay my bills has gotten to me. I don't know. But when my daughter came to me today and mentioned that her dad said he hoped that he could take her and her brother out of town for a week to see his parents this summer, I about lost it.

Seems like a reasonable statement if you don't know my situation. There are only a few problems wrong with it. First of all, why wouldn't he discuss this with me before getting her hopes up? Makes no sense. Secondly, he is about $10,000 or so (I have lost count) behind on child support. How can he afford to go out of town for a week when he is that far behind?! I can't afford to take a vacation...does he really think he's entitled to take the kids to his parents so that he can show off all the hard work I have put into them ALL BY MYSELF?! That's right...I have them 24/7, drive them to dance class, taekwondo, ball games and practice, doctor and dentist appointments...take care of them when they are sick, etc. I worry about keeping a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, and that they learn what they are supposed to. He does not parent them at all whatsoever. We have moved an hour away, but even when we lived in the same town he hardly saw them and didn't come to their games. I don't know...this just doesn't make sense to me. It's SOOOOOO frustrating.

Thanks for letting me vent.

Teaching Your Child to Swim

If you are a stay at home mom, chances are you look for ways to save money. And even if you don't, teaching your child to swim yourself is a great option as long as you and your child are both into it. Many parents are intimidated about teaching their child such an important skill. I can understand, since I was nervous about teaching my kids to read. Even with a teaching degree, I felt like I wasn't equipped to teach a child to read, simply because I had never done it before. And when there are people who are trained to do something, whether it's teaching someone to read or teaching someone to swim, we assume that in order to do it, it requires training that we don't have. Not true.

People have commented that trained teachers are better than parents trying to teach their child. This is a misconception. I mean, who trained your child to go on the potty? Or ride a bike? Or how to tie his shoes? A parent IS a teacher. And no matter what you want to teach, you can do it if you want to learn the skills yourself. Swimming is no different.

The most important thing to rememer about teaching your child to swim is that they MUST spend time in the water, almost daily, in order to become a proficient swimmer. I've seen parents take their kids to swimming lessons, and then never take them to the pool. Summer after summer, they still don't know how to swim. My kids taught themselves how to swim at about ages 4 and 5. The local pool was within walking distance of our house, but it was more convenient for us to have a pool in the backyard. We just happened to purchase an Intex pool on clearance the summer before for about $75. It was the biggest pool they made, and it was perfect for my children. I could adjust the level of the water. As they got better in the water, I added more water until it was at a level where it was quicker to swim from one spot to another than it was to wallk. Having the pool so convenient made it possible to go swimming multiple times each day.

Oddly enough, my younger child (girl) learned how to swim before my oldest (boy). Once he saw her swimming, he was determined. But he could not progress because he did not want to put his face in the water. If you have ever tried to swim with your head up, you know how difficult this is. So one day, I purchased a mask and snorkel for each child. My son put his on, looked into the water, and I could hear through the snorkel, "THIS IS AWESOME!" We were at the public swimming pool and he could see EVERYTHING under the water. Immediately, his feet came up behind him and he started kicking. He was swimming. If your child has an aversion to water in his face, I suggest doing the same thing. My son is now 10 and still HAS to wear goggles whenever he swims, but he's swimming! My children have been swimming on the swim team for 3-4 years and now know all four strokes!

So you might be wondering where to start. If you break down the lessons, you will need to go in this order:

1. Submersion
2. Floating
3. Kicking
4. Arm movement
5. Breathing

Techinically, by step 3, your child is "swimming." Steps 4 and 5 teach them how to do the front crawl, or "freestyle" as it is commonly called. Please remember that these lessons are slow and calm. The children in the video obviously already know how to do the skills demonstrated. Your child might be tense, panicky, and difficult to work with. Use a calm voice and help him relax. Take it slow. Work on one skill at a time and work at your child's pace. Also, review the skills each time you get in the water. For instance, once your child is able to dive for toys, start with that next time.

The links above are videos on how to teach each step. I hope you find these helpful and have an enjoyable summer in the pool. If it's as hot where you live as it has already been here this spring, you will be spending a LOT of time at the pool! Have a great summer!

Are You an Overprotective Parent?

As a parent you obviously want to make sure your child is safe from harm. You take precautions early on, as soon as your baby starts crawling and walking. You plug up all the electric outlets, block off all the stairs, lock the cabinets, and hunt for small objects hidden in the carpets. But if you are the type of parent who then hovers over your child even though you have taken all necessary precautions to keep him safe in your home, you may be an overprotective parent.

If your child is in kindergarten and you still hover over her, you definitely ARE an overprotective parent. Why does it matter? She will be safe, right? You can protect her, right? Wrong. As a matter of fact, an overprotective parent can stunt a child's development and handicap him for the rest of his life.

An overprotective parent is uncomfortable when her child is out of her sight. She does not want her to be involved in anything dangerous, even if it's dangerous only in her mind. She will not teach her child things that may result in pain, such as ironing, using the stove, or even a knife. On a playground, she will be ready to catch any fall and will hardly ever have both hands off her child. If her child leaves her homework at home, she will make a special trip back home to make sure the child does not suffer the consequences of not having the assignment. With an older child, this parent will lie to cover up something the child has done to avoid prosecution or legal trouble. See where this is going?

The problem is that no matter HOW much we try to protect our children, we will fail. And in our attempt, our children suffer. Children have drowned right in front of their watchful parents. They have fallen off the monkey bars the second their mom looked away. Horrible things will happen. And hovering over them is not going to make a difference. But hovering over them will keep them from expressing their natural desire to climb, jump, run, and slide because YOU fear that something will happen. Eventually, your fear becomes your child's fear, and he will not want to try new things because he now has a real fear of getting hurt, or even worse, of failing.

When children have freedom to explore and learn and gain independence, they see their own limitations, abilities, and consequences, which are all a part of life. Not allowing a child to fail on his own will turn into an adult who still needs you to bail him out of real, adult problems.
The younger you let your child be responsible for his homework, for instance, the younger he will be when he realizes it's his job to keep up with it and get it turned in. The quicker he gets that there ARE consequences in life, the earlier he will think about them before doing something stupid!

Personally, I don't get not wanting to teach your children things as soon as possible. The quicker they are taught things, the more helpful they are. Children who are not taught age appropriate activities are not given opportunities to gain self esteem in a natural way. Instead, parents feed them false compliments, even though their child really hasn't accomplished anything. These children are often less mature and less developed than their peers.

If you are wondering if you are being overprotective, ask your friends. Chances are, they have already seen it and will be more than happy to tell you. But be ready to hear the truth, and take steps to change what might need to be changed. Your children will be happier, and so will you. If you are unable to stop your overprotective behavior, you might want to consider getting help from a psychologist to help you figure out why.

When do children lose their baby teeth?

This question came up recently because I've come across a family with an eight year old who just lost her first tooth. Her younger sister is six, and has not lost a tooth yet, either. I remember having a neighbor who was the same way, and I started wondering if my children were weird...or were these other kids? My son lost his first tooth just after his 5th birthday. My daughter's two front teeth were coming in by age six (she lost them both in a fall early on). My son is only 10 and already has his 12 year molars. Of course his baby teeth came in beginning at three months, so he is odd...but what is normal?

Kids begin losing their baby teeth between five and seven years old. By around ages 12-13, all baby teeth should be replaced by permanent adult teeth. The process begins later for some children, and there seems to be some correlation between kids who get their baby teeth early and when they start falling out.

For more information on the care and keeping of children's teeth, here is an article I wrote about our journey with cavity prevention in children.

What to look for in a lifeguard

For most communities, summer began Memorial Day weekend, and at this point all public swimming pools and lakes should be open and active. But are they ready for you and your children? Good Guard Bad Guard will help you see what most parents don't- whether or not you should put your trust in the "guard" watching your child. A must-read for every parent!

Life as a Dancer...

My daughter just finished her year in dance with a recital this weekend and her future plans include trying out for Company next month. I'm not sure how this is going to go. She will have to give up gymnastics and likely other sports like soccer and softball. She will have to eat, breathe, and live dance. I see visions of make up, bobby pins, hairspray and fancy costumes, not to mention lots of nagging to practice, practice, practice. I'm not TOO worried. She will be homeschooling this year, so she should have plenty of time for practicing as well as her other passions- art and music. Perhaps I'm more worried about how I will pay for all the necessities required for such a major committment. I guess I can worry about this after she makes the cut....wish her luck! Here she is in the front...

Paper Rollercoasters

My son's 4th grade class did an awesome project this week and I just HAD to share. Whether you homeschool or teach in a classroom, the $20 fee for templates is well worth it if you ask me. I talked to my son's teacher who said that the kids did a wonderful job working together. They did not get to choose their own groups, and yet everyone was engaged and got along. That is unheard of with 4th graders, isn't it?! Here is a picture and the link is below...

http://www.paperrollercoasters.com/

Well-Known Evolutionist States, "Creationist Critics (of Evolution) Are Right"

I have an interest in Creation Science and maybe some of my readers do, too. If you do not already subscribe to Ken Ham's blog, here is a great article, and while you're there, subscribe! If you don't know who Ken Ham is, but his name sounds familiar, he is the president/CEO and founder of Answers in Genesis, and the highly acclaimed Creation Museum. Click here for the article!

The Socializatin Myth in Schools

Here we go again. This topic comes up in my life fairly often, because with two kids now in school for almost a whole year, well, it's going to. My kids were homeschooled through 2nd and 3rd grades, and were not "socialized" at school like their peers have been. I didn't realize it would even be an issue until my daughter was in first grade and would play with the neighbors when they would come home from school. She would come inside after a couple of hours, asking questions about why the girls were acting the way they were acting. That's when it occurred to me that the "games girls play" were being learned by these girls in school, and my daughter, without being "socialized" had no idea how to play them. You know those games...the manipulation, the cattiness, the, "I'll be your friend, IF..." The, "let's be mad at X..." and the exluding someone for whatever reason... It's just a big ol' ugly mess.

Most parents who were schooled or have kids in school think this is perfectly normal, or a rite of passage that every child encounters during childhood. Unfortunately, that's what leads to bullying. Kids left to fend for themselves, and choose their pecking order on the playground are either the top dog, the middle of the road kid, or the one who gets picked on. Often, these roles change daily. It could be because your child wore something unique that the other kids decide to pick on. It could be because your child got a haircut. It could be because your child did or said something that someone else wants to pick on. It could be the change of the wind...who knows?

So what is it about schools that lead to this socialization problem with kids? It is not lack of supervision. Nope...it's NOT the teachers' faults. Or the principals'. It's the entire system. That's correct...if your child goes to school, it is going to happen no matter what you do or say, no matter how much you grumble or complain; someone at school will be getting picked on and someone will be the underdog. The biggest reason mis-socialization occurs in schools is the fact that children are grouped together according to age. When you combine children into a group of twenty or so, all of the same general age, there are going to be problems. The "pecking order" commences when students play their little games to determine who is the top dog and where everyone else stands. If ONLY we combined children of different ages for a great part of their day, the socialization problem would practically disappear, since older child tend to naturally lead younger children, and younger children naturally listen to their older peers. The "games" no longer are necessary.

But there are other factors as well, that are inherent in schools. It is eloquently put here...

"Instead of being locked behind school gates in what some would consider an artificial setting characterized by bells, forced silence and age-segregation, homeschoolers frequently extend their everyday classroom to fire departments, hospitals, museums, repair shops, city halls, national parks, churches and colleges, where real community interaction and contacts are made."

It is interesting that most school administrators believe that homeschooled students have inferior social skills when compared to schooled students. In actuality, the opposite is true. And it's not even close. Schooled students are actually FAR more anti-social than homeschooled students. While parents of schooled students can make a big difference by using their time with their kids wisely, they first have to recognize the importance of their time and the influence they can have on their kids in the few hours they see them in the evenings. Unfortunately, many parents don't realize the value they possess and don't see the need in helping their children by talking over and working through problems kids have at school. Parents also should make sure to take their kids where they go, such as running errands. The more real world experience children receive, the better their understanding of it. And the less important those playground games seem to be.

A Great Reason to Homeschool

After missing the first 3-4 years of schooling with peers, my kids are now in public school where they are catching up on all the illnesses they missed out on from K-2/3. Oh the horrors! My son has thrown up more in the last month than his entire life. I've lost count of the fevers, and the missed school days. This is crazy! My son stayed home today with a 102 fever and massive headache. His sister just recovered from the same this week. I found out that kids in my son's class have been diagnosed with influenza b virus, so I'm sure that's what he's got. It's like these kids are licking each other at school!

It doesn't help that I've neglected our diets and haven't been consistent with our Vitamin D supplementation, which has saved us until now. I've got to start feeding them better. But at the end of a long day, I'm exhausted and don't feed them as well as I should. I wish we could homeschool now so we don't have to deal with these illnesses. Funny thing is, I'm more concerned about them missing their gymnastics/dance class or basketball games than I am them missing school. School work can be made up, but the other stuff really can't. It's frustrating. But another motivating factor in bringing my kids back home.

K12 Curriculum

I've been shopping on-line for "on-line curriculum" and one that I have found is K12. I had heard of it from a facebook friend, and did the research to learn more. K12 is a FREE virtual school, with online coursework, books, AND hands-on material. Each child is assigned a teacher, and the parent is the "learning coach." This is a wonderful option for parents who don't feel equipped, or need extra help in certain subjects. It's also a great option for people who want their kids at home for reasons that don't include that they are unhappy with the curriculum in their local public school. What I don't know right now is whether or not the "learning coach" can remove or alter assignments for each child. I've read that it can take up to 5 hours to complete the work, so I asked my friend about that and she said her daughter is able to do it in 2-3 hours. So if your child works particularly slow, it may be more work than you want to try and tackle. If your child is a quick worker, it should be about right. One example of something I might want to change is spelling assignments. If there are lots of things that have to be done with spelling words, I might want to remove them. I have excellent spellers. Once you show my kids a word, they know how to spell it. So why do work everyday to get you ready for the test? But I might want to spend more time with them on math. I still want some control, but nothing that should ruffle any feathers. Before I choose this curriculum, I would ask about this.

You can learn more at K12. My take on this system is that it is the government's way of saving money on education. Instead of trying to work against homeschoolers they are working with them, and helping parents who have the opportunity, desire, or need to keep kids at home provide a balanced, thorough education. So far so good. As I learn more I will update what I learn!