How to Keep Porn Out of Your Child's Hands

In two days, tweens and teens across the country will be receiving all sorts of electronic devices under the tree which their parents barely know what they are capable of. For some, it will be their first ever experience with porn. Why? Because if it's not a laptop or PC, many parents have absolutely no clue that the device they just gifted to their children has direct access to the web, with no filters, granting them direct access to pornography.

Before I continue, I'd like to share a video I saw at church recently. This is actually a secular video, showing the problem is NOT just something that Christians are concerned about.


We Need To Talk... from Fight the New Drug on Vimeo.

My awareness of the porn problem was heightened when I learned recently that a teen instructed his friend on how to disable parental controls on his phone AT CHURCH. So it's very important to start the conversations earlier than you think, and for reasons you may not expect. And don't forget to talk to your girls... they are doing unimaginable things and getting addicted to pornography as well. 

With gaming systems, your best bet is to use the appropriate built in parental control tools as well as monitor your child's use (and make sure they didn't disable the controls). These systems will likely be installed and kept in your home. How about your children's friends' homes? Have a conversation with these parents to see what the level of acceptance is and you might be shocked to find a parent that is completely oblivious to the gaming system's capabilities. Even worse, you might discover a "boys will be boys" mentality that makes you want to run for the hills. They are out there. Trust me.

In my opinion, the worst offenders are the mobile devices that kids can take with them wherever they go, without you over their shoulders to make sure their use is clean. THAT is where things get dicey. That's where Covenant Eyes comes in. While it can still be used at home on Windows 7, Vista, and XP PCs, as well as Mac computers, it can also be installed on iPhone®, iPod touch®, iPad®, and Android™ phones and tablets (like Kindle Fire and Kindle Fire HD).

Covenant Eyes is a popular product used by many Christian men to hold themselves accountable. Once it is installed, a friend, wife, parent, or mentor can receive emails showing everywhere the user went on his system, and everything s/he searched for. You can use this same product for your children's devices, and make yourself his/her accountability monitor. I have been receiving emails every three days (you can set the frequency) about my son's internet usage and it is very thorough. It will even detect if your child has attempted to navigate around the system.

Perhaps your child wanted that iPod touch® SO bad so he could listen to music. Just because their intent is innocent does not mean that giving them that tool can't turn into a disaster rather quickly. What if your 10 year old takes his to church where he encounters a 12 year old who wants to show him what it will do? Just because you are having conversations with YOUR child, don't assume everyone is. MOST are not.

The porn problem is going through the roof. If we don't protect our children while we have them, they ARE getting access to pornography. Addictions usually start at an early age. Talk to your kids, let them know the expectations, and do your best to prevent porn from getting onto their screens. Also, if your child has a school issued laptop or iPad®, don't assume there are any parental controls installed. I found out the hard way that ours had NOTHING installed when we used a virtual homeschool for two years.

Here is more info you might be interested in:
The Porn Problem sermon at Riverlawn Christian Church
Covenant Eyes 2013 Pornography Statistics Report

Why I Allow My Kids on Facebook

I did not allow my kids on facebook for quite a while. I saw some of the things that came through on my wall and some of the things that the tweens and teens tend to post, and figured they could wait. I finally let them have their own facebook accounts when my son was almost 12 and my daughter was 10. They had numerous friends through sports and theatre productions that they wanted to keep in touch with and since they don’t attend school, I figured it would be the best way for this to happen.
I gained a lot of insight about the kids of today through monitoring my children’s facebook accounts. As a matter of fact, facebook has allowed me to know things that I otherwise would not have known. This is because when kids are alone, they will talk to one another differently from the way they would if I were in the room. Their language changes, the topics change, and they are cruder with one another.
The first thing I learned is that too many parents have no clue what their kids are doing on facebook. Well, perhaps they know, but they are WAY more lenient than I am. Either way, I’m saddened by the behavior I have observed. Since other parents aren’t monitoring their kids on facebook, these kids assume no parents are. It’s like stepping into their world and being a fly on the wall. (Keep in mind part of this is because children have profiles that aren’t private, or aren’t set that only friends can see what they post.) Also, when your child has a friend with some questionable “friends,” anything those “friends” post will be visible by anyone who reads the thread. I’ve seen cursing, bullying, sexual innuendos, fishing for attention by “drama queens” (and kings!) and general unbecoming behavior that all parents think that others’ kids do (not THEIRS!)
My son has friended people he’s met through friends, and when I saw some of the things they discuss on facebook, I unfriend them. One example is a girl talking about beating someone up. This is just gross. I don’t know why girls feel the need to act this way, but they aren’t going to do it on my son’s facebook page. This girl was not talking about someone she *wanted* to beat up (although she had done that as well), but she told about someone she had beaten up, like it was awesome. My son doesn’t need to start thinking this behavior is okay or normal. It’s not.
I also have a problem with kids talking publically to one another on their pages and saying gross things like, “Goodnight, baby…” Or, “I love you so much…can’t wait till tomorrow,” blah, blah, blah. I mean seriously, they will have a new girlfriend or boyfriend every week! Let me point out that there is NO doubt in my mind that the same kids being all gross with their girlfriends and boyfriends on facebook are the same kids sexting and participating in child porn when they send sexually explicit pictures back and forth. They are at least asking for them. They get away with it, because if parents aren’t monitoring facebook, do you really think they are checking phones?
So why do I let my children on facebook? So I know what’s going on. So I can learn about their friends and which ones I need to monitor better and which ones are more trustworthy. They all act nice to your face, but what are they like behind your back? I’m lucky so far in that my kids think the same behavior I point out above is tacky, gross, and not okay. Because I know what’s going on “out there” I can engage in dialogue with my kids and learn about their thoughts and ideas as I share my opinion of appropriate behavior.
I know my kids are not saints. I know my son is just like those other boys who act differently when their parents aren’t around. I know this because I monitor his phone and see some of the things he has texted. We have talked about setting an example for friends and being the one to pull others up and not being the one pulled down by negative behavior. I can’t make my kids turn out to be great people, but I can sure try my best and stay in contact with their world. It is not fun, but it will be worth it in the end.
Facebook can be your friend. Embrace it and use it as a tool to help your children react appropriately when you aren’t around. You know…when they’re adults.

Why Stretching Is Important for Athletes

I remember a few years ago being really irritated that my son's soccer coach didn't have them stretch before practices and games. I didn't know if I should say something and be one of "those" parents. So I told my son that he should stretch anyway, and then sort of forgot all about it. Then, I noticed he did not sit quite right on the floor. It literally hurt him to sit up. I also noticed that when his entire Tae Kwon Do class was "touching their toes" his was the only back that was curved, with his shoulders pulled forward. Soon after trying to correct this, he was running in the yard playing tag when a pain hit his back and he could not move. Also, for a while, we noticed his ribs were not matching on both sides, but I kept thinking it would correct itself.

I got him under chiropractic  care, where we learned that his spine was not straight (hence the ribs being "off" and the pain in his spine). Soon after, the knee pain began. My son (12) plays sports year round. The knee problem came up during soccer, so we got online to see what might be going on.

That's where we found out about Patellar Tendonitis, "Jumper's Knee", and Osgood Schlatter's disease (or syndrome). I immediately made an appointment at the chiropractor, and the doctor spent 30 minutes explaining how to take care of the problem.

The tell-tale symptom that narrowed down the diagnosis was that I knew my son's hamstrings were incredibly tight. You can read why this causes knee problems online. There are even stretches you can have your child do daily at home. I am not here to tell you what to do, as I'm not a doctor. But I'm telling you to have your child athlete stretch before performing sports! The problem is also common during adolescent growth spurts, especially in athletes.

Ironically, the next day at his soccer tournament, I noticed that every player (and referee) with a knee brace on had it on his/her right knee. The chiropractor had said that the prominent knee is the one most affected. How funny I'd never noticed that before!

Anyway, years of not stretching properly, a growth spurt, and his crooked spine all led to tendonitis in his knee. I'd also like to say that as an athlete, and a coach who stretches with my players, it just feels good to stretch, and everything feels better afterwards.

Reading Together with Teens

In a quest to develop a "middle school" literature curriculum for my children next year, I came across a book suggestion. I had never heard of Honey for a Teen's Heart and now that I know about it, I must urge you to get a copy for yourself! After reading the introduction, I was so inspired that I wanted to sit down with my 10 and "almost" 12 year old and start a novel. I am not much of a reader anymore. I have to admit that I got turned off from reading in college, when I was forced to read something I wasn't interested in and we had WAY too many pages to read each night, and after four years of this, I didn't pick up a novel for at least a decade. But Honey for a Teen's Heart reminds parents of the bonding affect of reading together. I won't even try to put it as eloquently as authors Gladys Hunt and Barbara Hampton put it. Just hop over to Amazon and read the sample and you will see what I mean! This book is a must-have for your collection, especially if you are looking to develop a reading list for your literature curriculum.