I did not allow my kids on facebook for quite a while. I saw some of the things that came through on my wall and some of the things that the tweens and teens tend to post, and figured they could wait. I finally let them have their own facebook accounts when my son was almost 12 and my daughter was 10. They had numerous friends through sports and theatre productions that they wanted to keep in touch with and since they don’t attend school, I figured it would be the best way for this to happen.
I gained a lot of insight about the kids of today through monitoring my children’s facebook accounts. As a matter of fact, facebook has allowed me to know things that I otherwise would not have known. This is because when kids are alone, they will talk to one another differently from the way they would if I were in the room. Their language changes, the topics change, and they are cruder with one another.
The first thing I learned is that too many parents have no clue what their kids are doing on facebook. Well, perhaps they know, but they are WAY more lenient than I am. Either way, I’m saddened by the behavior I have observed. Since other parents aren’t monitoring their kids on facebook, these kids assume no parents are. It’s like stepping into their world and being a fly on the wall. (Keep in mind part of this is because children have profiles that aren’t private, or aren’t set that only friends can see what they post.) Also, when your child has a friend with some questionable “friends,” anything those “friends” post will be visible by anyone who reads the thread. I’ve seen cursing, bullying, sexual innuendos, fishing for attention by “drama queens” (and kings!) and general unbecoming behavior that all parents think that others’ kids do (not THEIRS!)
My son has friended people he’s met through friends, and when I saw some of the things they discuss on facebook, I unfriend them. One example is a girl talking about beating someone up. This is just gross. I don’t know why girls feel the need to act this way, but they aren’t going to do it on my son’s facebook page. This girl was not talking about someone she *wanted* to beat up (although she had done that as well), but she told about someone she had beaten up, like it was awesome. My son doesn’t need to start thinking this behavior is okay or normal. It’s not.
I also have a problem with kids talking publically to one another on their pages and saying gross things like, “Goodnight, baby…” Or, “I love you so much…can’t wait till tomorrow,” blah, blah, blah. I mean seriously, they will have a new girlfriend or boyfriend every week! Let me point out that there is NO doubt in my mind that the same kids being all gross with their girlfriends and boyfriends on facebook are the same kids sexting and participating in child porn when they send sexually explicit pictures back and forth. They are at least asking for them. They get away with it, because if parents aren’t monitoring facebook, do you really think they are checking phones?
So why do I let my children on facebook? So I know what’s going on. So I can learn about their friends and which ones I need to monitor better and which ones are more trustworthy. They all act nice to your face, but what are they like behind your back? I’m lucky so far in that my kids think the same behavior I point out above is tacky, gross, and not okay. Because I know what’s going on “out there” I can engage in dialogue with my kids and learn about their thoughts and ideas as I share my opinion of appropriate behavior.
I know my kids are not saints. I know my son is just like those other boys who act differently when their parents aren’t around. I know this because I monitor his phone and see some of the things he has texted. We have talked about setting an example for friends and being the one to pull others up and not being the one pulled down by negative behavior. I can’t make my kids turn out to be great people, but I can sure try my best and stay in contact with their world. It is not fun, but it will be worth it in the end.
Facebook can be your friend. Embrace it and use it as a tool to help your children react appropriately when you aren’t around. You know…when they’re adults.
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Showing posts with label Parenting. Show all posts
Friday, October 18, 2013
Friday, April 5, 2013
Single Parent Homeschooling
“How do you do what you do?”
The question took me aback. I didn’t know what he meant… “Oh…you mean how do I homeschool?”
“Yes,” he said, as he looked at me in amazement.
My chiropractor had just commented on how I should sleep at night, and when he mentioned my “husband” I had to tell him I wasn’t married. I had forgotten I had told him that my son, who had been a patient of his for a month, was homeschooled. I also had forgotten how strange my life must seem to others.
I told him that I work from home and have an internet business. He was impressed. I left that day with the memories of our seven years of homeschooling swimming around in my head and began wondering myself how I do what I do.
It’s pretty simple, really. I take one day at a time. But of course, what people really want to know is how I can afford to. After all, married couples with two incomes “can’t do it,” so how could a single mom?
I’m very fortunate to have started an internet business when I really didn’t need to. As a matter of fact, at the time I did not know why I was doing it. I just knew I should, and so I did. So by the time I needed it for income, the income was there. It now supports us, but God provides. Sometimes I receive child support, but when I don’t, God increases my business. It all just works out, just as it always has, as far as I can think back.
If I had not started my internet business, I would still find a way. There are so many things you can do, such as tutoring, cleaning houses, babysitting, or if you have a career skill like programming, accounting, or copywriting; these are all things you can do from home. For a time, I took in two other homeschoolers and received a small amount of money for teaching them, and I also babysat two others daily in order to make ends meet. For one year, we lived in a two bedroom duplex that looked like it would collapse with the next heavy rain. Strangely, that was one of my favorite years!
Since we do not have any family in the area, it is also my responsibility to drive two children to activities almost daily. We have participated in swim team, baseball/softball, basketball, football, cheerleading, dance, gymnastics, Taekwondo, musical theatre, soccer, and don’t forget the homeschool co-op! Our schedule is crazy, and it’s all on me to get kids SOMEwhere, sometimes at the same time. (Did I mention I also coach soccer and softball?)
In about ten years, both of my children will be on their own career paths. They may be out of my home. Those ten years are going to fly by even faster than my past forty-one have. So while I have them in my care, I feel it is my job to allow them to spread their wings, try new things, and explore God’s world and all it has to offer. They are hindered from this if they are in school all day.
How do I do it? I just do.
I’ll have time to rest later.
This composition was sitting on my desktop, waiting to be edited for over a week. I read it over and laughed and cried at the same time. A few days after writing this, my children's father called to say he had quit his job. In one fell swoop my income dropped tremendously. I had been here before, but I had gotten comfortable at our income level and forgot to watch the pennies and nickels for just this scenario. I have been in a panic for the past week. Will things work out? How will they? What will we have to give up? All I know is that we will carry on and God will sustain us UNTIL. And that's all I really need to know...
The question took me aback. I didn’t know what he meant… “Oh…you mean how do I homeschool?”
“Yes,” he said, as he looked at me in amazement.
My chiropractor had just commented on how I should sleep at night, and when he mentioned my “husband” I had to tell him I wasn’t married. I had forgotten I had told him that my son, who had been a patient of his for a month, was homeschooled. I also had forgotten how strange my life must seem to others.
I told him that I work from home and have an internet business. He was impressed. I left that day with the memories of our seven years of homeschooling swimming around in my head and began wondering myself how I do what I do.
It’s pretty simple, really. I take one day at a time. But of course, what people really want to know is how I can afford to. After all, married couples with two incomes “can’t do it,” so how could a single mom?
I’m very fortunate to have started an internet business when I really didn’t need to. As a matter of fact, at the time I did not know why I was doing it. I just knew I should, and so I did. So by the time I needed it for income, the income was there. It now supports us, but God provides. Sometimes I receive child support, but when I don’t, God increases my business. It all just works out, just as it always has, as far as I can think back.
If I had not started my internet business, I would still find a way. There are so many things you can do, such as tutoring, cleaning houses, babysitting, or if you have a career skill like programming, accounting, or copywriting; these are all things you can do from home. For a time, I took in two other homeschoolers and received a small amount of money for teaching them, and I also babysat two others daily in order to make ends meet. For one year, we lived in a two bedroom duplex that looked like it would collapse with the next heavy rain. Strangely, that was one of my favorite years!
Since we do not have any family in the area, it is also my responsibility to drive two children to activities almost daily. We have participated in swim team, baseball/softball, basketball, football, cheerleading, dance, gymnastics, Taekwondo, musical theatre, soccer, and don’t forget the homeschool co-op! Our schedule is crazy, and it’s all on me to get kids SOMEwhere, sometimes at the same time. (Did I mention I also coach soccer and softball?)
In about ten years, both of my children will be on their own career paths. They may be out of my home. Those ten years are going to fly by even faster than my past forty-one have. So while I have them in my care, I feel it is my job to allow them to spread their wings, try new things, and explore God’s world and all it has to offer. They are hindered from this if they are in school all day.
How do I do it? I just do.
I’ll have time to rest later.
This composition was sitting on my desktop, waiting to be edited for over a week. I read it over and laughed and cried at the same time. A few days after writing this, my children's father called to say he had quit his job. In one fell swoop my income dropped tremendously. I had been here before, but I had gotten comfortable at our income level and forgot to watch the pennies and nickels for just this scenario. I have been in a panic for the past week. Will things work out? How will they? What will we have to give up? All I know is that we will carry on and God will sustain us UNTIL. And that's all I really need to know...
Tuesday, March 19, 2013
Reading Together with Teens
In a quest to develop a "middle school" literature curriculum for my children next year, I came across a book suggestion. I had never heard of Honey for a Teen's Heart
and now that I know about it, I must urge you to get a copy for yourself! After reading the introduction, I was so inspired that I wanted to sit down with my 10 and "almost" 12 year old and start a novel. I am not much of a reader anymore. I have to admit that I got turned off from reading in college, when I was forced to read something I wasn't interested in and we had WAY too many pages to read each night, and after four years of this, I didn't pick up a novel for at least a decade. But Honey for a Teen's Heart reminds parents of the bonding affect of reading together. I won't even try to put it as eloquently as authors Gladys Hunt and Barbara Hampton put it. Just hop over to Amazon and read the sample and you will see what I mean! This book is a must-have for your collection, especially if you are looking to develop a reading list for your literature curriculum.
and now that I know about it, I must urge you to get a copy for yourself! After reading the introduction, I was so inspired that I wanted to sit down with my 10 and "almost" 12 year old and start a novel. I am not much of a reader anymore. I have to admit that I got turned off from reading in college, when I was forced to read something I wasn't interested in and we had WAY too many pages to read each night, and after four years of this, I didn't pick up a novel for at least a decade. But Honey for a Teen's Heart reminds parents of the bonding affect of reading together. I won't even try to put it as eloquently as authors Gladys Hunt and Barbara Hampton put it. Just hop over to Amazon and read the sample and you will see what I mean! This book is a must-have for your collection, especially if you are looking to develop a reading list for your literature curriculum.
Saturday, January 19, 2013
Why Our Children's Life Expectancy is Lower than Ours
Our children's life expectancy is lower than ours, which is ALL OUR FAULTS. Yes, mine, too. Every negative food choice that goes into your child's mouth is your fault. Every positive food choice is your fault. You cannot blame it on trends, friends, or schools...your child is yours and you make his/her choices. Until s/he makes his/her own, and then what you taught them hopefully sticks...
I'm bringing this up following a trip to Home Town Buffet a couple of weeks ago. It has bothered me ever since. It started when I was in line to get chicken, where I was behind a mom helping her son fill his plate. Already on the plate was a pile of french fries and macaroni and cheese. In front of her were (overcooked) green beans and carrots, and what does she say? "Do you want some mashed potatoes or corn?" WOW. (By the way, in my book, corn is NOT a vegetable, nor is mashed potatoes!)
I don't know what ended up on his plate, but we ended up sitting at the table next to this family, who ended up being what appeared to be two parents, two grandparents, and two kids. The second kid sat closest to us, with the rest of the family to his other side. He may as well have been sitting at another table, because not one word was said to him during the meal. He was somewhere between 9 and 11 years old, I guess. When we sat down, he had a HUGE pile of mashed potatoes, and something long and fried, maybe cheese sticks. He then proceeded to make THREE trips to the dessert bar. I happened to glance over just in time to see him look down, grab underneath his belly, and jiggle it. No joke. He then got two icees. When it was time to go, he got up with the family and started to leave with the cup, halfway filled with icee. The first thing I heard anyone say to him was..."You can't take that cup, you have to leave it here."
The first kid I saw in line was skinny. But give him time. He will be supersize before you know it, I guarantee it, with the parenting that I saw of the larger child. At first I wondered, "Why would Hometown Buffet put french fries out when they know it's family night, where parents are going to bring in their kids, because they eat for $.99?" I quickly realized you can't blame the restaurants. But you CAN blame the parents. Maybe it's just me, but when we go to HTB, it's because we can all choose something different to eat, without getting fast food. I know the quality of food is definitely not as good as mine at home, but it's not as bad as fast food. It's a night off of cooking, not a time to load up on desserts and starches and fried crap.
The biggest problem is that parents are eating crap. And whether or not they expect their kids to eat better, if what a parent says doesn't match up with what a parent does, the lesson is lost. Put some veggies on your plates, parents. Limit junk and eating out. Give some choices, but make them healthy (and learn what healthy is!) And start early. The earlier you provide variety, the less likely you are to have a picky eater. Do it for your kids. Their life DOES depend on it!
I'm bringing this up following a trip to Home Town Buffet a couple of weeks ago. It has bothered me ever since. It started when I was in line to get chicken, where I was behind a mom helping her son fill his plate. Already on the plate was a pile of french fries and macaroni and cheese. In front of her were (overcooked) green beans and carrots, and what does she say? "Do you want some mashed potatoes or corn?" WOW. (By the way, in my book, corn is NOT a vegetable, nor is mashed potatoes!)
I don't know what ended up on his plate, but we ended up sitting at the table next to this family, who ended up being what appeared to be two parents, two grandparents, and two kids. The second kid sat closest to us, with the rest of the family to his other side. He may as well have been sitting at another table, because not one word was said to him during the meal. He was somewhere between 9 and 11 years old, I guess. When we sat down, he had a HUGE pile of mashed potatoes, and something long and fried, maybe cheese sticks. He then proceeded to make THREE trips to the dessert bar. I happened to glance over just in time to see him look down, grab underneath his belly, and jiggle it. No joke. He then got two icees. When it was time to go, he got up with the family and started to leave with the cup, halfway filled with icee. The first thing I heard anyone say to him was..."You can't take that cup, you have to leave it here."
The first kid I saw in line was skinny. But give him time. He will be supersize before you know it, I guarantee it, with the parenting that I saw of the larger child. At first I wondered, "Why would Hometown Buffet put french fries out when they know it's family night, where parents are going to bring in their kids, because they eat for $.99?" I quickly realized you can't blame the restaurants. But you CAN blame the parents. Maybe it's just me, but when we go to HTB, it's because we can all choose something different to eat, without getting fast food. I know the quality of food is definitely not as good as mine at home, but it's not as bad as fast food. It's a night off of cooking, not a time to load up on desserts and starches and fried crap.
The biggest problem is that parents are eating crap. And whether or not they expect their kids to eat better, if what a parent says doesn't match up with what a parent does, the lesson is lost. Put some veggies on your plates, parents. Limit junk and eating out. Give some choices, but make them healthy (and learn what healthy is!) And start early. The earlier you provide variety, the less likely you are to have a picky eater. Do it for your kids. Their life DOES depend on it!
Single Parents Dating
Yesterday, I found a horrible clog in my vacuum cleaner that had practically stopped the suction completely. As I vacuumed, I convinced myself it was all in my head. I mean, it WAS sucking my hand in when I covered the tube, but just didn't seem to pick much of anything up. I had already washed out the canister and filter, and had cleaned out the part of the hose I could easily see and get to. I just couldn't imagine there would be anymore clogs in the hose, so I kept convincing myself it was all in my head. Finally, I undid the hose and found the problem. As I was cleaning it out, I thought, "So THAT'S why the house is so dusty even though I've been vacuuming regularly." I couldn't figure out why dust was everywhere, which is unusual. (Thanks to our guinea pig that throws hay out everywhere, the vacuum is more prone to clogging. Lesson noted.)
I also thought about how funny it was that the vacuum was barely sucking, but I tried to convince myself that it wasn't that bad. Once I got it working, I realized the HUGE difference and wondered how in the world I didn't realize it was so bad. And then it hit me.
Incremental changes go unnoticed. The clog didn't just appear all of a sudden. It slowly got worse and worse, going unnoticed, until it practically didn't work at all.
I relate this to another lesson I learned recently. I just ended a long term relationship. It lasted close to two years, starting when my son was 9. I did not notice along the way, incremental changes in my son. He did not verbalize anything, did not complain, did not dislike my boyfriend, and I figured his change in behavior was puberty. Maybe it was, but he is still in puberty, and he has changed completely...for the better. And as soon as I ended the relationship, my son was back. It wasn't a gradual change, it was immediate. And so it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was able to look back and pinpoint the incremental changes. But while in the thick of it, did not notice that my dating affected my son. Of course, my daughter verbalized every thought she ever had, so I knew exactly how she felt. My son was quieter, but even when asked, couldn't verbalize why he was angry/emotional/upset. I realized that if *just* dating can affect children this way, how horrible it must be for children who watch their parents in abusive relationships!
I no longer feel single parents should date. Not in front of their kids. Kids need their parents, not some other dude. That is ironic because the first thing parents tend to do after divorce is replace the ex. Men look for a mother figure for their kids, and women look for household income for their kids. (Generally... check out stepparenting forums if you don't believe me!) I just like the companionship, but didn't realize how it would affect my kids. It is not their fault that their parents' marriage did not work out, and dealing with divorce is probably enough trauma for their childhood. I only have about 8 more years left being their Mommy and that time will zoom by in a flash. I want to make the most of it.
So. Incremental changes go unnoticed. Check out your own kids and see if there have been changes that you have been too busy (or selfish?) to notice. We think kids will tell us everything, and sometimes what they tell us isn't verbal. Make sure you are "listening!"
I also thought about how funny it was that the vacuum was barely sucking, but I tried to convince myself that it wasn't that bad. Once I got it working, I realized the HUGE difference and wondered how in the world I didn't realize it was so bad. And then it hit me.
Incremental changes go unnoticed. The clog didn't just appear all of a sudden. It slowly got worse and worse, going unnoticed, until it practically didn't work at all.
I relate this to another lesson I learned recently. I just ended a long term relationship. It lasted close to two years, starting when my son was 9. I did not notice along the way, incremental changes in my son. He did not verbalize anything, did not complain, did not dislike my boyfriend, and I figured his change in behavior was puberty. Maybe it was, but he is still in puberty, and he has changed completely...for the better. And as soon as I ended the relationship, my son was back. It wasn't a gradual change, it was immediate. And so it hit me like a ton of bricks.
I was able to look back and pinpoint the incremental changes. But while in the thick of it, did not notice that my dating affected my son. Of course, my daughter verbalized every thought she ever had, so I knew exactly how she felt. My son was quieter, but even when asked, couldn't verbalize why he was angry/emotional/upset. I realized that if *just* dating can affect children this way, how horrible it must be for children who watch their parents in abusive relationships!
I no longer feel single parents should date. Not in front of their kids. Kids need their parents, not some other dude. That is ironic because the first thing parents tend to do after divorce is replace the ex. Men look for a mother figure for their kids, and women look for household income for their kids. (Generally... check out stepparenting forums if you don't believe me!) I just like the companionship, but didn't realize how it would affect my kids. It is not their fault that their parents' marriage did not work out, and dealing with divorce is probably enough trauma for their childhood. I only have about 8 more years left being their Mommy and that time will zoom by in a flash. I want to make the most of it.
So. Incremental changes go unnoticed. Check out your own kids and see if there have been changes that you have been too busy (or selfish?) to notice. We think kids will tell us everything, and sometimes what they tell us isn't verbal. Make sure you are "listening!"
Friday, October 19, 2012
Why "Stranger Danger" Doesn't Work
If you have told your child, "Don't talk to strangers," have you wondered how your child actually hears this? When we say it, we have exceptions, that as adults, we can qualify. Our children cannot. So when we go places, and...talk to strangers, it sends our kids a mixed message.
For example, how often have you gone to the park, zoo, grocery store, mall, etc. and struck up a conversation with a complete stranger? If you are like me, this probably happens often. So if you are a "stranger danger" parent, your child has probably asked who the person you are speaking to is, because she assumes you know him. And when she finds out you don't, she is left wondering about your "stranger danger" instructions.
When we tell our children not to talk to strangers, we are telling them that strangers are bad, when in fact, the majority of people who come across their paths are not bad at all. As a matter of fact, many of them are other parents. I saw a story where a lost boy scout would not respond to men calling out his name because they were strangers, and he was taught not to talk to them. Kids are literal...we need to remember that.
There IS an alternative to stranger danger. But first, I need to address something else. There are two basic types of parents. There are those who give their children some freedom to roam, and those who hover over every single move. Of course we can go to either extreme and find parents who are too lenient, as well as parents who are way too protective and never let their children leave the house. But for simplicity's sake, I'm talking about parents who are "out and about" with their kids. There is a danger to allowing kids too much freedom too early. We need to provide freedom in baby steps, and allow kids to earn more freedom as they show they are treating their freedom respectively. But there is also a danger in hovering over children and never letting them out of our sight. Let me illustrate.
My daughter walks to her friend's house. It is about 4 houses down, across the street. For a while, I watch her, or, she can walk with her friend. For the most part, the kids in our neighborhood use the buddy system. As she earns more freedom, she is allowed to walk to her friend's unaccompanied and unwatched, but she will text me when she arrives, to let me know that her friend is there and that she can play. Now, there is no doubt that from our house to her friend's house, she has a certain level of anxiety. She knows the danger; she knows she is out there alone and can be approached by a car with people set out to do her harm. Her instinct is alerted and she is on guard to run the second those hairs stand up on the back of her neck.
On the other hand, you have the parent that will walk her child, hand in hand, to the neighbor's house. Every. Single. Time. Seems safe, right? I mean, isn't that what parents are supposed to do? Protect their child? When we don't let our child out of our sight, we are telling him that we don't trust him. You can play the, "It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust the crazy people out there..." but that is YOUR anxiety. What are you going to do to prevent someone from entering your child's room at night and taking him out of his bed?! The fact is, stranger abductions are rare. And when you don't let your child out of your sight, you not only don't allow him to foster his own level of intuition, you teach him he doesn't need it because Mommy is with him and will take care of him. And what happens in that rare instance when you are not with him? He is in more danger than you can imagine, because he has learned not to be alert, not to be leery of strangers (because you talk to them yourself), and he is at greater risk than the child who has learned to trust her intuition when something just doesn't feel right.
One afternoon, my daughter was in the driveway drawing with chalk. She saw a "strange man" walking on the sidewalk, so she promptly came into the house and closed the garage door until he passed. So I trust her instinct. She has also proven that she is alert. Even though she was looking down and drawing, she knew the man was approaching.
My son and I met one of his Sunday School teachers at the same time. I got a weird feeling about him. Later, to my surprise, my son confirmed to me that he had the same feeling. He is the one who brought it up, and I couldn't believe that both of us had the same gut feeling.
We need to trust our own gut instincts and foster that in our children. The truth of the matter is, as we allow our teens more freedom, they MUST be able to make quick, gut decisions about people that they meet every day. And if we don't teach them when they are young, it is really hard to learn later on. Start with your kids today, and teach them to be independent and to listen to their gut instincts!
For example, how often have you gone to the park, zoo, grocery store, mall, etc. and struck up a conversation with a complete stranger? If you are like me, this probably happens often. So if you are a "stranger danger" parent, your child has probably asked who the person you are speaking to is, because she assumes you know him. And when she finds out you don't, she is left wondering about your "stranger danger" instructions.
When we tell our children not to talk to strangers, we are telling them that strangers are bad, when in fact, the majority of people who come across their paths are not bad at all. As a matter of fact, many of them are other parents. I saw a story where a lost boy scout would not respond to men calling out his name because they were strangers, and he was taught not to talk to them. Kids are literal...we need to remember that.
There IS an alternative to stranger danger. But first, I need to address something else. There are two basic types of parents. There are those who give their children some freedom to roam, and those who hover over every single move. Of course we can go to either extreme and find parents who are too lenient, as well as parents who are way too protective and never let their children leave the house. But for simplicity's sake, I'm talking about parents who are "out and about" with their kids. There is a danger to allowing kids too much freedom too early. We need to provide freedom in baby steps, and allow kids to earn more freedom as they show they are treating their freedom respectively. But there is also a danger in hovering over children and never letting them out of our sight. Let me illustrate.
My daughter walks to her friend's house. It is about 4 houses down, across the street. For a while, I watch her, or, she can walk with her friend. For the most part, the kids in our neighborhood use the buddy system. As she earns more freedom, she is allowed to walk to her friend's unaccompanied and unwatched, but she will text me when she arrives, to let me know that her friend is there and that she can play. Now, there is no doubt that from our house to her friend's house, she has a certain level of anxiety. She knows the danger; she knows she is out there alone and can be approached by a car with people set out to do her harm. Her instinct is alerted and she is on guard to run the second those hairs stand up on the back of her neck.
On the other hand, you have the parent that will walk her child, hand in hand, to the neighbor's house. Every. Single. Time. Seems safe, right? I mean, isn't that what parents are supposed to do? Protect their child? When we don't let our child out of our sight, we are telling him that we don't trust him. You can play the, "It's not that I don't trust you, it's that I don't trust the crazy people out there..." but that is YOUR anxiety. What are you going to do to prevent someone from entering your child's room at night and taking him out of his bed?! The fact is, stranger abductions are rare. And when you don't let your child out of your sight, you not only don't allow him to foster his own level of intuition, you teach him he doesn't need it because Mommy is with him and will take care of him. And what happens in that rare instance when you are not with him? He is in more danger than you can imagine, because he has learned not to be alert, not to be leery of strangers (because you talk to them yourself), and he is at greater risk than the child who has learned to trust her intuition when something just doesn't feel right.
One afternoon, my daughter was in the driveway drawing with chalk. She saw a "strange man" walking on the sidewalk, so she promptly came into the house and closed the garage door until he passed. So I trust her instinct. She has also proven that she is alert. Even though she was looking down and drawing, she knew the man was approaching.
My son and I met one of his Sunday School teachers at the same time. I got a weird feeling about him. Later, to my surprise, my son confirmed to me that he had the same feeling. He is the one who brought it up, and I couldn't believe that both of us had the same gut feeling.
We need to trust our own gut instincts and foster that in our children. The truth of the matter is, as we allow our teens more freedom, they MUST be able to make quick, gut decisions about people that they meet every day. And if we don't teach them when they are young, it is really hard to learn later on. Start with your kids today, and teach them to be independent and to listen to their gut instincts!
Tuesday, June 26, 2012
Behavior Problems in Schools
Yesterday my son attended day 1 of a week long basketball camp. I arrived about an hour early so I could observe the instruction and my son's participation. I pleasantly learned something, and secretly wished I could stay ALL day and watch. But I also noticed a problem. There was this kid...this ONE kid who was out of control. Of course, he had to be in MY son's group, right? He was knocking the ball out of other boys' hands when they were doing shooting drills. He was grabbing the ball away from others when it was not his turn. He was pushing others out of their spots to take the spot he wanted. I watched him for about twenty minutes and came really close to getting up myself and telling him to behave.
The scene is this: A gym full of 60-80 kids ages 8-18. They were broken up into 6 groups. There were only enough basketballs for about one to every two players. So there was some wait and share time, but everyone got a turn. The problem was, he did not know how to patiently wait for his turn. He either made it his turn, or bugged the others he was waiting on. This is a Christian basketball camp. I think if it were not, he would have gotten knocked out by someone on day one...
I asked my son if the boy had gotten in trouble at all during the day. "Ooooh yeah, " he said.
"A lot?" I asked.
"Yes."
On the drive home, I thought about school. I thought about those same boys on the basketball court dealing with a kid like that at school. Because every classroom has a kid, if not kids, like him. I imagined these boys EVERY SINGLE DAY having to deal with a kid like that. He never shuts up. Asks off the wall questions just to throw the teacher off. Pokes the kid next to him. Always playing pranks. Throwing things at kids. Not paying attention. Getting his (or her!) group in trouble. Could you imagine that? Do you remember that kid in your class?
Imagine all the time (YOUR CHILD'S TIME!) that gets lost at school because of this kid. Even worse, imagine your child's frustration. Like that co-worker you try to avoid...at least you have a choice! You are probably going through the steps in your mind right now of the discipline procedure that should be in place for this child. You probably have already had him thrown out of school in your mind.
Now what if it was YOUR child? Hmmmm
I know why I prefer homeschooling my children. But my daughter's reason for WANTING to be homeschooled is completely different from mine. I am 100% sure that her #1 reason would be exactly the above. I wonder how many other children would choose the same if given the choice.
Is your child dealing with a troublemaker at school?
The scene is this: A gym full of 60-80 kids ages 8-18. They were broken up into 6 groups. There were only enough basketballs for about one to every two players. So there was some wait and share time, but everyone got a turn. The problem was, he did not know how to patiently wait for his turn. He either made it his turn, or bugged the others he was waiting on. This is a Christian basketball camp. I think if it were not, he would have gotten knocked out by someone on day one...
I asked my son if the boy had gotten in trouble at all during the day. "Ooooh yeah, " he said.
"A lot?" I asked.
"Yes."
On the drive home, I thought about school. I thought about those same boys on the basketball court dealing with a kid like that at school. Because every classroom has a kid, if not kids, like him. I imagined these boys EVERY SINGLE DAY having to deal with a kid like that. He never shuts up. Asks off the wall questions just to throw the teacher off. Pokes the kid next to him. Always playing pranks. Throwing things at kids. Not paying attention. Getting his (or her!) group in trouble. Could you imagine that? Do you remember that kid in your class?
Imagine all the time (YOUR CHILD'S TIME!) that gets lost at school because of this kid. Even worse, imagine your child's frustration. Like that co-worker you try to avoid...at least you have a choice! You are probably going through the steps in your mind right now of the discipline procedure that should be in place for this child. You probably have already had him thrown out of school in your mind.
Now what if it was YOUR child? Hmmmm
I know why I prefer homeschooling my children. But my daughter's reason for WANTING to be homeschooled is completely different from mine. I am 100% sure that her #1 reason would be exactly the above. I wonder how many other children would choose the same if given the choice.
Is your child dealing with a troublemaker at school?
Tuesday, May 1, 2012
When Children Leave Home
I'm sitting here in my super messy, very cluttered living room, realizing how tired I am of trying to get my kids to clean up after themselves. And then it hit me. I'm officially about halfway through my "stay at home mom" career, and before I know it, it will be over! The kids will move on (hopefully) and I will be left here with my own messes to pick up and no one to nag about finishing school work, cleaning up art supplies, or picking up their toys. What will I do with myself?!
No...really...what WILL I do with myself? Obviously I will still have my business to run, because I'm sure I will still enjoy eating...and a roof over my head... But other than that, what will I do with my time? When the kids were little, I enjoyed scrapbooking. But I quickly realized it was too stressful, because I'm a perfectionist who is never happy with my creations. Same with sewing. Sewing is fun, but when something goes wrong, you have to stop and fix it...yuck.
These days, my time is spent going to or watching kids' activities. There is dance, baseball, basketball, soccer, Taekwondo, swimming, cheerleading, and football... I just can't imagine not having these things anymore. I guess after the next nine years, I may feel differently. As they are able to drive themselves, or drop some activities, my time will slowly become mine again, and when they finally move on to college, or career, or whatever is in their futures, perhaps I will appreciate the time and find things to fill it. Like Bingo...or Bridge...isn't that what old ladies do? Perhaps I will garden. Who knows?
All I know right now is that SOMEBODY needs to pick up this living room. What a mess!
No...really...what WILL I do with myself? Obviously I will still have my business to run, because I'm sure I will still enjoy eating...and a roof over my head... But other than that, what will I do with my time? When the kids were little, I enjoyed scrapbooking. But I quickly realized it was too stressful, because I'm a perfectionist who is never happy with my creations. Same with sewing. Sewing is fun, but when something goes wrong, you have to stop and fix it...yuck.
These days, my time is spent going to or watching kids' activities. There is dance, baseball, basketball, soccer, Taekwondo, swimming, cheerleading, and football... I just can't imagine not having these things anymore. I guess after the next nine years, I may feel differently. As they are able to drive themselves, or drop some activities, my time will slowly become mine again, and when they finally move on to college, or career, or whatever is in their futures, perhaps I will appreciate the time and find things to fill it. Like Bingo...or Bridge...isn't that what old ladies do? Perhaps I will garden. Who knows?
All I know right now is that SOMEBODY needs to pick up this living room. What a mess!
Monday, April 30, 2012
Kids Today
I took my kids to the park yesterday. This isn't a major event and typically I wouldn't blog about it. But I noticed something yesterday that found me thinking, "I MUST blog about this..."
My daughter decided to swing, so we headed to the swings together. Shortly after my daughter sat down on a swing, the girl next to her, whose mom walked halfway across the park to help her stop the swing, fell out of it. Backwards. The mom was already heading back to her gaggle of friends who were harassing her in Spanish, so she did not notice her daughter (about six) holding her elbow and crying. I asked if she was okay, and she looked at her mom walking away, then nodded her head, "Yes."
I then saw NOT ONE, NOT TWO, but FOUR other children fall out of the swings. Two were too young to be on the swings alone. (And the parents were no where to be found). One was plenty old enough, but still fell backwards. The other fell off the swing backwards with parents RIGHT THERE. She was also old enough to swing alone...about three...but she could not. I then saw a girl, about three, sit on the swing and grunt until a parent came and started pushing her.
What is wrong with kids these days?!!!
I can't imagine having a child that can't sit in a swing without falling out. Keep in mind that the swings were not even swinging! Are kids today so uncoordinated that they can't sit in a swing or get it going themselves, or, I don't know...ASK for someone to push them? I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but then quickly realized I shouldn't be surprised at this since I see how parents coddle their children. Granted, my kids started MyGym at the ages of two and one year. I remember going to the park and watching my two year old daughter scale a ladder effortlessly and then see a 5-6 year old not know how to climb up. I'm not sure how this happens. If you can't get your kids into programs, or don't feel they are necessary, at least take them to the park! Play with them. Push them in the swing. Let them climb the ladders. Because if you wait too long to get your kids active and into doing natural kid activities, there will be a mom at the park with your much too old kid, just looking for something to blog about. Oh, and because they will look like a fool at school...should they attend.
Also, stop letting your kids run free at the park if they are under two. What are you, crazy?
My daughter decided to swing, so we headed to the swings together. Shortly after my daughter sat down on a swing, the girl next to her, whose mom walked halfway across the park to help her stop the swing, fell out of it. Backwards. The mom was already heading back to her gaggle of friends who were harassing her in Spanish, so she did not notice her daughter (about six) holding her elbow and crying. I asked if she was okay, and she looked at her mom walking away, then nodded her head, "Yes."
I then saw NOT ONE, NOT TWO, but FOUR other children fall out of the swings. Two were too young to be on the swings alone. (And the parents were no where to be found). One was plenty old enough, but still fell backwards. The other fell off the swing backwards with parents RIGHT THERE. She was also old enough to swing alone...about three...but she could not. I then saw a girl, about three, sit on the swing and grunt until a parent came and started pushing her.
What is wrong with kids these days?!!!
I can't imagine having a child that can't sit in a swing without falling out. Keep in mind that the swings were not even swinging! Are kids today so uncoordinated that they can't sit in a swing or get it going themselves, or, I don't know...ASK for someone to push them? I couldn't believe what I was seeing, but then quickly realized I shouldn't be surprised at this since I see how parents coddle their children. Granted, my kids started MyGym at the ages of two and one year. I remember going to the park and watching my two year old daughter scale a ladder effortlessly and then see a 5-6 year old not know how to climb up. I'm not sure how this happens. If you can't get your kids into programs, or don't feel they are necessary, at least take them to the park! Play with them. Push them in the swing. Let them climb the ladders. Because if you wait too long to get your kids active and into doing natural kid activities, there will be a mom at the park with your much too old kid, just looking for something to blog about. Oh, and because they will look like a fool at school...should they attend.
Also, stop letting your kids run free at the park if they are under two. What are you, crazy?
Tuesday, February 21, 2012
Online Parental Controls
Due to an incident with another child using my son's computer, I was up until 3:30 am making sure everything that was supposed to be getting blocked actually was. But it wasn't. It was very frustrating, because while facebook was blocked, another website, with "porn" actually IN the domain name, was NOT! And you know that the very first page of that website had all kinds of filthy images you never want your 11 year old son to accidentally come across. It makes me sick just thinking about it.
I came across the website quite by accident. All I did was google my maiden name. A number of sites came up, including these disgusting porn pages. The text in the results was bad enough, but clicking on the url made me about lose my stomach. We use Titanium Maximum Security for keeping these kind of websites unviewable, but I had to go in and manually block this url. And it wouldn't "take" so of course I was up all night until it would.
I bring this up so that YOU can double check your parental controls. And to let you know that you need them. As much time as I spend on my computer, you would think I'd be on top of that, but the fact is, our kids go looking for things sometimes and sometimes it is pushed right in front of them. Don't take the chance, and make sure your kids' computer is locked up tight! They will never get those images out of their heads. Trust me.
I came across the website quite by accident. All I did was google my maiden name. A number of sites came up, including these disgusting porn pages. The text in the results was bad enough, but clicking on the url made me about lose my stomach. We use Titanium Maximum Security for keeping these kind of websites unviewable, but I had to go in and manually block this url. And it wouldn't "take" so of course I was up all night until it would.
I bring this up so that YOU can double check your parental controls. And to let you know that you need them. As much time as I spend on my computer, you would think I'd be on top of that, but the fact is, our kids go looking for things sometimes and sometimes it is pushed right in front of them. Don't take the chance, and make sure your kids' computer is locked up tight! They will never get those images out of their heads. Trust me.
Thursday, December 8, 2011
Benefits of Sports and "Extra" Curricular Activities
As a homeschooling parent, it has always been important to involve my kids in sports. That was their way of getting to know other kids in town. They have both been involved with swim team, basketball, football, cheerleading, softball/baseball, soccer, Taekwondo, bowling, dance, and gymnastics. They have also participated in art and choir with a homeschool group. My intent in having them participate in numerous activities would be to allow them a variety so that they could pick which one(s) they wanted to stick with. After about five years, my daughter has narrowed her focus to competitive dance, art, and learning guitar as well a singing. My son still enjoys all the activities, and plays sports year 'round at the Wichita YMCA.
Over the years, I have seen a definite benefit to having them try out different activities. First, they obviously are more active, using various muscle groups and learning various skills. This keeps them fit, while they enjoy spending time with kids their own ages. Second, they are mentally challenged learning the various rules of the sports they play. I find this very important since I did not have this opportunity as a child. I began competitive swimming very early on, and made time somehow for softball from the ages 10-18. But I do wish that I was able to learn different sports so that it would be easier to help my kids with them.
Finally, and this is my most important point, sports and activities allow a child to gain self esteem in natural ways. I have seen my kids grow immensely by trying new things. Even if they aren't the most athletic kids around, eventually they will gain new skills, and when they do, it really makes them feel good. They have learned that the more work they put into something, the more they will get out of it. They have learned not to fear new things, and not to be embarrassed if they don't get something the first time. They are more confident kids, and they know their strengths and weaknesses.
I felt led to write on this topic because I have seen kids who have not been involved in activities outside of what they do in school. There is such a vast difference in these kids, and it is really sad. It is almost as if their personalities have not been allowed to flourish and their self esteem is just waiting for something to bring it to existence. Often parents use money as an excuse. Especially in today's world, with so many divorces and dual-home families, finances are tight. I have found a way around this by taking advantage of programs at the YMCA, where children will NOT be turned away. You can apply for financial assistance, which is provided on an as-needed basis. Some things are outrageously expensive, such as my daughter's competitive dance at the YMCA. But sports, which are non-competitive, are affordable and enjoyable (most of the time...sometimes there are crazy parents that are out for blood). Money should never be a reason to exclude your kids from trying different activities. If you imagine their futures, I believe you will see what a positive impact it will have on them, by providing things that you can't do effectively at home. To me, it is a worthwhile investment, even if it means that I will have to go without things myself. I still remember to this day some of the amazing catches I made in games, and the goals I reached in races and the praise I received from coaches and parents. It is one thing when our parents tell us how great we are, it is TOTALLY another to get that praise or encouragement from outside the family. Let your kids be praised; let them be encouraged, and let them spread their wings, while you watch and enjoy. Sit back, and let them thank you. Because they will!
Over the years, I have seen a definite benefit to having them try out different activities. First, they obviously are more active, using various muscle groups and learning various skills. This keeps them fit, while they enjoy spending time with kids their own ages. Second, they are mentally challenged learning the various rules of the sports they play. I find this very important since I did not have this opportunity as a child. I began competitive swimming very early on, and made time somehow for softball from the ages 10-18. But I do wish that I was able to learn different sports so that it would be easier to help my kids with them.
Finally, and this is my most important point, sports and activities allow a child to gain self esteem in natural ways. I have seen my kids grow immensely by trying new things. Even if they aren't the most athletic kids around, eventually they will gain new skills, and when they do, it really makes them feel good. They have learned that the more work they put into something, the more they will get out of it. They have learned not to fear new things, and not to be embarrassed if they don't get something the first time. They are more confident kids, and they know their strengths and weaknesses.
I felt led to write on this topic because I have seen kids who have not been involved in activities outside of what they do in school. There is such a vast difference in these kids, and it is really sad. It is almost as if their personalities have not been allowed to flourish and their self esteem is just waiting for something to bring it to existence. Often parents use money as an excuse. Especially in today's world, with so many divorces and dual-home families, finances are tight. I have found a way around this by taking advantage of programs at the YMCA, where children will NOT be turned away. You can apply for financial assistance, which is provided on an as-needed basis. Some things are outrageously expensive, such as my daughter's competitive dance at the YMCA. But sports, which are non-competitive, are affordable and enjoyable (most of the time...sometimes there are crazy parents that are out for blood). Money should never be a reason to exclude your kids from trying different activities. If you imagine their futures, I believe you will see what a positive impact it will have on them, by providing things that you can't do effectively at home. To me, it is a worthwhile investment, even if it means that I will have to go without things myself. I still remember to this day some of the amazing catches I made in games, and the goals I reached in races and the praise I received from coaches and parents. It is one thing when our parents tell us how great we are, it is TOTALLY another to get that praise or encouragement from outside the family. Let your kids be praised; let them be encouraged, and let them spread their wings, while you watch and enjoy. Sit back, and let them thank you. Because they will!
Thursday, October 13, 2011
Is it Puberty?!
I remember puberty...it came early for me, so I might be a little hyper-vigilant looking for the signs in my kids. I was 8 years old when the changes started, and barely 11 when my first period came. So now that my kids are almost 9 (girl) and 10 (boy), while I'm hoping I've got a year or two, I'm getting suspicious that not only is puberty arriving, it's arriving for both kids at the same time!
I started worrying about my son because he was checking his temperature every night, sometimes during the day, and sure enough, his body temperature was elevated. Normally, his body temperature is around 97 degrees. But his were in the 99's and at first I thought he was sick. Then it just went on and on and I'm going to settle on puberty as the reason, because I'm thinking my only alternative is something serious like cancer! He has also been more tired, having nightmares, and more recently, has not been able to concentrate. He is having trouble focusing on his schoolwork and literally can't bring himself to sit down and get it done. This is very abnormal for him, and for the life of me I can't find a reason for the sudden change.
I can't find much information online about body temperature changing during hormonal activity in puberty, but I've noticed mine change during pregnancy, and now perimenopause. As I type this, it's 70 degrees in my house and I'm sitting here in a short sleeve shirt. Just last year I would be shivering at 70 degrees. I have a hard time doing a lot because I tend to get much hotter than I remember. So I'm thinking, maybe it happens during puberty, as well. I just can't find much documentation on it!
At this point, I'm hoping it's hormones, because that's natural. Illness is not, and if it is an illness I'm hoping it's nothing serious. If you have any experience with this, or if you have noticed the increase in temperature for your child, please comment!
I started worrying about my son because he was checking his temperature every night, sometimes during the day, and sure enough, his body temperature was elevated. Normally, his body temperature is around 97 degrees. But his were in the 99's and at first I thought he was sick. Then it just went on and on and I'm going to settle on puberty as the reason, because I'm thinking my only alternative is something serious like cancer! He has also been more tired, having nightmares, and more recently, has not been able to concentrate. He is having trouble focusing on his schoolwork and literally can't bring himself to sit down and get it done. This is very abnormal for him, and for the life of me I can't find a reason for the sudden change.
I can't find much information online about body temperature changing during hormonal activity in puberty, but I've noticed mine change during pregnancy, and now perimenopause. As I type this, it's 70 degrees in my house and I'm sitting here in a short sleeve shirt. Just last year I would be shivering at 70 degrees. I have a hard time doing a lot because I tend to get much hotter than I remember. So I'm thinking, maybe it happens during puberty, as well. I just can't find much documentation on it!
At this point, I'm hoping it's hormones, because that's natural. Illness is not, and if it is an illness I'm hoping it's nothing serious. If you have any experience with this, or if you have noticed the increase in temperature for your child, please comment!
Wednesday, October 12, 2011
My, How Time Flies!
I don't know when it happened, but at some point I realized how quickly time was zooming by. It started with realizing how quickly a new month came up and bills were due...AGAIN. Then, it was as if June came the day after New Year's eve...and quickly it was October. Before I know it, it will be 2012 and taxes will be due, and I will find myself trying to remember Christmas. Is this what getting old is like?
As if that isn't bad enough, I only have to look at my children to realize how quickly time is flying. I can't believe they are 10 and 8 (almost 9)! I look at my old posts on here and see how they have changed over the years. I remember all the fun we have had; the good times of laughing and just spending time together doing school or having fun at the park. I remember the camping trips and road trips, and going skating every weekend. I remember getting out the Easter decorations, coloring eggs, and hiding eggs in the yard. Or decorating the Christmas tree, and opening presents Christmas morning.
The more I remember, the more I realize as my children have gotten older, the less I have done with them. I spend a lot of time with them...in the same room...but how much time I actually spend making these wonderful memories has diminished. It isn't that I don't feel it's important as they get older. It's more that time has gotten away from me and I always think we have "later" to take part in activities together. Well, later is now. Before I know it, they will be married and having their own kids. And when they do, I want them to remember all these things, and make memories with their own kids because they have such fond memories of their childhood. Right now they think a minute takes forever, but I'm sure when they have their own kids, they will see how time flies, too!
As if that isn't bad enough, I only have to look at my children to realize how quickly time is flying. I can't believe they are 10 and 8 (almost 9)! I look at my old posts on here and see how they have changed over the years. I remember all the fun we have had; the good times of laughing and just spending time together doing school or having fun at the park. I remember the camping trips and road trips, and going skating every weekend. I remember getting out the Easter decorations, coloring eggs, and hiding eggs in the yard. Or decorating the Christmas tree, and opening presents Christmas morning.
The more I remember, the more I realize as my children have gotten older, the less I have done with them. I spend a lot of time with them...in the same room...but how much time I actually spend making these wonderful memories has diminished. It isn't that I don't feel it's important as they get older. It's more that time has gotten away from me and I always think we have "later" to take part in activities together. Well, later is now. Before I know it, they will be married and having their own kids. And when they do, I want them to remember all these things, and make memories with their own kids because they have such fond memories of their childhood. Right now they think a minute takes forever, but I'm sure when they have their own kids, they will see how time flies, too!
Tuesday, July 26, 2011
Children with Anxiety
Whether your child is at home with you or at school all day, or even living with another parent, you may notice that he or she exhibits some symptoms of anxiety. After living a life trying to avoid anxiety, God blessed me with my own anxious child. I have worked very hard to help teach him how to deal with stress or how to cope without knowing what's going to happen next, and I think I've done a pretty good job. I sure wish I had some help with this early on! Some symptoms of child anxiety include:
If I were starting over with my anxious child, I would check out this program. It is a much better idea than spending hundreds of dollars on ineffective counseling or drugs. Not only does it help with the core problem, the anxiety, but it also provides tools for the parent in how to deal with the anxiety. Most parents, unless they suffered from an anxiety disorder themselves, do not know how to recognize anxiety in their children or how to help them with it. But if you do recognize it, and don't know what to do...now you do. Check it out!
- Unexplained physical symptoms such as headaches and stomachaches.
- Being nervous, jittery, and hypersensitive.
- Decreased school performance or a lack of concentration.
- Avoidance of social activities or not wanting to spend as much time with friends.
- Tics, nervous habits, or compulsive behavior such as nail biting or hair pulling.
- Dangerous behavior such as cutting or drug and alcohol abuse.
- Excessive moodiness or outbursts of anger.
- Persistent worry that seems unjustified for the situation.
- Sleep changes or activity level changes.
- School avoidance or refusal.
- Being unusually or overly self-critical.
- A high need for reassurance.
- Outbursts of anger or oppositional behavior, even though you know in your heart they’re a good kid, they just have all this anxious energy coming out all wrong.
If I were starting over with my anxious child, I would check out this program. It is a much better idea than spending hundreds of dollars on ineffective counseling or drugs. Not only does it help with the core problem, the anxiety, but it also provides tools for the parent in how to deal with the anxiety. Most parents, unless they suffered from an anxiety disorder themselves, do not know how to recognize anxiety in their children or how to help them with it. But if you do recognize it, and don't know what to do...now you do. Check it out!
Thursday, July 7, 2011
Should kids be allowed on facebook?
Short answer...NOOOOOOOOOOO!
I've been on facebook for a few years now, I guess, after trying to avoid it as long as possible. What I have discovered during that time is that it is NOT for kids. The minimum age is 13, but estimated figures show that 7 million kids under 13 (5 million of them being 10 and under!) are already on facebook. This is alarming.
In the last year, the number of accounts being hacked has gone up tremendously according to the pornography I have seen come through on friend's profiles. Just the other day, it came through on a 5th grader's page! The pornography is often in the form of a video, but you don't have to click on the video to be exposed, as the picture on the post is enough to be shocked. Sometimes it is "just" a picture.
I'm not sure how people's accounts get hacked, as it's not happened to me yet. I don't know if it's carelessness on their part or just bad luck. But what I do know is that it's happening, and our children should be protected from exposure to these images.
Recently I saw that Mark Zuckerberg, founder of facebook, is trying to lower the minimum age to allow all children on facebook. He thinks the age limit is ridiculous. He also does not have kids. Of course he wants to allow kids on facebook legally so that he has a completely new target audience to sell ads for. Duh. But even if this does happen, I caution all parents who will consider the age they allow their children on facebook. Sometimes it takes common sense and not laws to determine the age at which our children should be set free on a social website. Imagine also a child who accepts a "friend" he does not know. This happened recently to a friend of mine. His 11 year-old son accepted a friend request from a half naked 20-something year-old woman from California. That's scary enough. But what if this woman was really a 60 year-old man looking for a young boy to play with? His account has been deleted.
I've been on facebook for a few years now, I guess, after trying to avoid it as long as possible. What I have discovered during that time is that it is NOT for kids. The minimum age is 13, but estimated figures show that 7 million kids under 13 (5 million of them being 10 and under!) are already on facebook. This is alarming.
In the last year, the number of accounts being hacked has gone up tremendously according to the pornography I have seen come through on friend's profiles. Just the other day, it came through on a 5th grader's page! The pornography is often in the form of a video, but you don't have to click on the video to be exposed, as the picture on the post is enough to be shocked. Sometimes it is "just" a picture.
I'm not sure how people's accounts get hacked, as it's not happened to me yet. I don't know if it's carelessness on their part or just bad luck. But what I do know is that it's happening, and our children should be protected from exposure to these images.
Recently I saw that Mark Zuckerberg, founder of facebook, is trying to lower the minimum age to allow all children on facebook. He thinks the age limit is ridiculous. He also does not have kids. Of course he wants to allow kids on facebook legally so that he has a completely new target audience to sell ads for. Duh. But even if this does happen, I caution all parents who will consider the age they allow their children on facebook. Sometimes it takes common sense and not laws to determine the age at which our children should be set free on a social website. Imagine also a child who accepts a "friend" he does not know. This happened recently to a friend of mine. His 11 year-old son accepted a friend request from a half naked 20-something year-old woman from California. That's scary enough. But what if this woman was really a 60 year-old man looking for a young boy to play with? His account has been deleted.
Thursday, June 30, 2011
When Hard Work Pays Off
My son has been swimming on a summer league for about four years. After last season's final swim meet, he was determined to figure out exactly how to do breaststroke correctly. He worked and worked. Asked for instruction. "Am I doing it right?"
Yesterday he swam in his first swim meet of the summer. He did great on backstroke. Then came breaststroke, which was once his WORST event. I watched his stroke. Then came the tears. He was doing it! Pull, kick, glide. Pull, kick, glide. And he was moving forward! I literally was so overwhelmed for him that tears came to my eyes. He got first in his heat, but only 14th overall. I told him now that he knows how to do the stroke correctly, he can practice, practice, practice, and get stronger and better and faster. I love it when kids learn that their work will pay off! Such a great lesson in perseverance!
(After the swim meet we went to the Y pool to start working on getting those swimming muscles. My son worked REALLY hard. I swam a lot, too, after not swimming for a quite a while. We were supposed to go back to the pool this morning, but when I asked him if he still wanted to go, he said, "NO! I'm sore!" I don't blame him. I am, too! Sometimes hard work hurts!)
Yesterday he swam in his first swim meet of the summer. He did great on backstroke. Then came breaststroke, which was once his WORST event. I watched his stroke. Then came the tears. He was doing it! Pull, kick, glide. Pull, kick, glide. And he was moving forward! I literally was so overwhelmed for him that tears came to my eyes. He got first in his heat, but only 14th overall. I told him now that he knows how to do the stroke correctly, he can practice, practice, practice, and get stronger and better and faster. I love it when kids learn that their work will pay off! Such a great lesson in perseverance!
(After the swim meet we went to the Y pool to start working on getting those swimming muscles. My son worked REALLY hard. I swam a lot, too, after not swimming for a quite a while. We were supposed to go back to the pool this morning, but when I asked him if he still wanted to go, he said, "NO! I'm sore!" I don't blame him. I am, too! Sometimes hard work hurts!)
Tuesday, June 14, 2011
When Parents Don't Parent
I almost hit the roof today. I knew it was coming. I'm not sure why I let it get to me so. Perhaps the anxiety of whether or not I will be able to pay my bills has gotten to me. I don't know. But when my daughter came to me today and mentioned that her dad said he hoped that he could take her and her brother out of town for a week to see his parents this summer, I about lost it.
Seems like a reasonable statement if you don't know my situation. There are only a few problems wrong with it. First of all, why wouldn't he discuss this with me before getting her hopes up? Makes no sense. Secondly, he is about $10,000 or so (I have lost count) behind on child support. How can he afford to go out of town for a week when he is that far behind?! I can't afford to take a vacation...does he really think he's entitled to take the kids to his parents so that he can show off all the hard work I have put into them ALL BY MYSELF?! That's right...I have them 24/7, drive them to dance class, taekwondo, ball games and practice, doctor and dentist appointments...take care of them when they are sick, etc. I worry about keeping a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, and that they learn what they are supposed to. He does not parent them at all whatsoever. We have moved an hour away, but even when we lived in the same town he hardly saw them and didn't come to their games. I don't know...this just doesn't make sense to me. It's SOOOOOO frustrating.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Seems like a reasonable statement if you don't know my situation. There are only a few problems wrong with it. First of all, why wouldn't he discuss this with me before getting her hopes up? Makes no sense. Secondly, he is about $10,000 or so (I have lost count) behind on child support. How can he afford to go out of town for a week when he is that far behind?! I can't afford to take a vacation...does he really think he's entitled to take the kids to his parents so that he can show off all the hard work I have put into them ALL BY MYSELF?! That's right...I have them 24/7, drive them to dance class, taekwondo, ball games and practice, doctor and dentist appointments...take care of them when they are sick, etc. I worry about keeping a roof over their heads, food in their mouths, and that they learn what they are supposed to. He does not parent them at all whatsoever. We have moved an hour away, but even when we lived in the same town he hardly saw them and didn't come to their games. I don't know...this just doesn't make sense to me. It's SOOOOOO frustrating.
Thanks for letting me vent.
Friday, June 10, 2011
Teaching Your Child to Swim
If you are a stay at home mom, chances are you look for ways to save money. And even if you don't, teaching your child to swim yourself is a great option as long as you and your child are both into it. Many parents are intimidated about teaching their child such an important skill. I can understand, since I was nervous about teaching my kids to read. Even with a teaching degree, I felt like I wasn't equipped to teach a child to read, simply because I had never done it before. And when there are people who are trained to do something, whether it's teaching someone to read or teaching someone to swim, we assume that in order to do it, it requires training that we don't have. Not true.
People have commented that trained teachers are better than parents trying to teach their child. This is a misconception. I mean, who trained your child to go on the potty? Or ride a bike? Or how to tie his shoes? A parent IS a teacher. And no matter what you want to teach, you can do it if you want to learn the skills yourself. Swimming is no different.
The most important thing to rememer about teaching your child to swim is that they MUST spend time in the water, almost daily, in order to become a proficient swimmer. I've seen parents take their kids to swimming lessons, and then never take them to the pool. Summer after summer, they still don't know how to swim. My kids taught themselves how to swim at about ages 4 and 5. The local pool was within walking distance of our house, but it was more convenient for us to have a pool in the backyard. We just happened to purchase an Intex pool on clearance the summer before for about $75. It was the biggest pool they made, and it was perfect for my children. I could adjust the level of the water. As they got better in the water, I added more water until it was at a level where it was quicker to swim from one spot to another than it was to wallk. Having the pool so convenient made it possible to go swimming multiple times each day.
Oddly enough, my younger child (girl) learned how to swim before my oldest (boy). Once he saw her swimming, he was determined. But he could not progress because he did not want to put his face in the water. If you have ever tried to swim with your head up, you know how difficult this is. So one day, I purchased a mask and snorkel for each child. My son put his on, looked into the water, and I could hear through the snorkel, "THIS IS AWESOME!" We were at the public swimming pool and he could see EVERYTHING under the water. Immediately, his feet came up behind him and he started kicking. He was swimming. If your child has an aversion to water in his face, I suggest doing the same thing. My son is now 10 and still HAS to wear goggles whenever he swims, but he's swimming! My children have been swimming on the swim team for 3-4 years and now know all four strokes!
So you might be wondering where to start. If you break down the lessons, you will need to go in this order:
1. Submersion
2. Floating
3. Kicking
4. Arm movement
5. Breathing
Techinically, by step 3, your child is "swimming." Steps 4 and 5 teach them how to do the front crawl, or "freestyle" as it is commonly called. Please remember that these lessons are slow and calm. The children in the video obviously already know how to do the skills demonstrated. Your child might be tense, panicky, and difficult to work with. Use a calm voice and help him relax. Take it slow. Work on one skill at a time and work at your child's pace. Also, review the skills each time you get in the water. For instance, once your child is able to dive for toys, start with that next time.
The links above are videos on how to teach each step. I hope you find these helpful and have an enjoyable summer in the pool. If it's as hot where you live as it has already been here this spring, you will be spending a LOT of time at the pool! Have a great summer!
People have commented that trained teachers are better than parents trying to teach their child. This is a misconception. I mean, who trained your child to go on the potty? Or ride a bike? Or how to tie his shoes? A parent IS a teacher. And no matter what you want to teach, you can do it if you want to learn the skills yourself. Swimming is no different.
The most important thing to rememer about teaching your child to swim is that they MUST spend time in the water, almost daily, in order to become a proficient swimmer. I've seen parents take their kids to swimming lessons, and then never take them to the pool. Summer after summer, they still don't know how to swim. My kids taught themselves how to swim at about ages 4 and 5. The local pool was within walking distance of our house, but it was more convenient for us to have a pool in the backyard. We just happened to purchase an Intex pool on clearance the summer before for about $75. It was the biggest pool they made, and it was perfect for my children. I could adjust the level of the water. As they got better in the water, I added more water until it was at a level where it was quicker to swim from one spot to another than it was to wallk. Having the pool so convenient made it possible to go swimming multiple times each day.
Oddly enough, my younger child (girl) learned how to swim before my oldest (boy). Once he saw her swimming, he was determined. But he could not progress because he did not want to put his face in the water. If you have ever tried to swim with your head up, you know how difficult this is. So one day, I purchased a mask and snorkel for each child. My son put his on, looked into the water, and I could hear through the snorkel, "THIS IS AWESOME!" We were at the public swimming pool and he could see EVERYTHING under the water. Immediately, his feet came up behind him and he started kicking. He was swimming. If your child has an aversion to water in his face, I suggest doing the same thing. My son is now 10 and still HAS to wear goggles whenever he swims, but he's swimming! My children have been swimming on the swim team for 3-4 years and now know all four strokes!
So you might be wondering where to start. If you break down the lessons, you will need to go in this order:
1. Submersion
2. Floating
3. Kicking
4. Arm movement
5. Breathing
Techinically, by step 3, your child is "swimming." Steps 4 and 5 teach them how to do the front crawl, or "freestyle" as it is commonly called. Please remember that these lessons are slow and calm. The children in the video obviously already know how to do the skills demonstrated. Your child might be tense, panicky, and difficult to work with. Use a calm voice and help him relax. Take it slow. Work on one skill at a time and work at your child's pace. Also, review the skills each time you get in the water. For instance, once your child is able to dive for toys, start with that next time.
The links above are videos on how to teach each step. I hope you find these helpful and have an enjoyable summer in the pool. If it's as hot where you live as it has already been here this spring, you will be spending a LOT of time at the pool! Have a great summer!
Monday, June 6, 2011
Are You an Overprotective Parent?
As a parent you obviously want to make sure your child is safe from harm. You take precautions early on, as soon as your baby starts crawling and walking. You plug up all the electric outlets, block off all the stairs, lock the cabinets, and hunt for small objects hidden in the carpets. But if you are the type of parent who then hovers over your child even though you have taken all necessary precautions to keep him safe in your home, you may be an overprotective parent.
If your child is in kindergarten and you still hover over her, you definitely ARE an overprotective parent. Why does it matter? She will be safe, right? You can protect her, right? Wrong. As a matter of fact, an overprotective parent can stunt a child's development and handicap him for the rest of his life.
An overprotective parent is uncomfortable when her child is out of her sight. She does not want her to be involved in anything dangerous, even if it's dangerous only in her mind. She will not teach her child things that may result in pain, such as ironing, using the stove, or even a knife. On a playground, she will be ready to catch any fall and will hardly ever have both hands off her child. If her child leaves her homework at home, she will make a special trip back home to make sure the child does not suffer the consequences of not having the assignment. With an older child, this parent will lie to cover up something the child has done to avoid prosecution or legal trouble. See where this is going?
The problem is that no matter HOW much we try to protect our children, we will fail. And in our attempt, our children suffer. Children have drowned right in front of their watchful parents. They have fallen off the monkey bars the second their mom looked away. Horrible things will happen. And hovering over them is not going to make a difference. But hovering over them will keep them from expressing their natural desire to climb, jump, run, and slide because YOU fear that something will happen. Eventually, your fear becomes your child's fear, and he will not want to try new things because he now has a real fear of getting hurt, or even worse, of failing.
When children have freedom to explore and learn and gain independence, they see their own limitations, abilities, and consequences, which are all a part of life. Not allowing a child to fail on his own will turn into an adult who still needs you to bail him out of real, adult problems.
The younger you let your child be responsible for his homework, for instance, the younger he will be when he realizes it's his job to keep up with it and get it turned in. The quicker he gets that there ARE consequences in life, the earlier he will think about them before doing something stupid!
The younger you let your child be responsible for his homework, for instance, the younger he will be when he realizes it's his job to keep up with it and get it turned in. The quicker he gets that there ARE consequences in life, the earlier he will think about them before doing something stupid!
Personally, I don't get not wanting to teach your children things as soon as possible. The quicker they are taught things, the more helpful they are. Children who are not taught age appropriate activities are not given opportunities to gain self esteem in a natural way. Instead, parents feed them false compliments, even though their child really hasn't accomplished anything. These children are often less mature and less developed than their peers.
If you are wondering if you are being overprotective, ask your friends. Chances are, they have already seen it and will be more than happy to tell you. But be ready to hear the truth, and take steps to change what might need to be changed. Your children will be happier, and so will you. If you are unable to stop your overprotective behavior, you might want to consider getting help from a psychologist to help you figure out why.
Sunday, December 2, 2007
What are we passing down to our kids?
Because we spend more time with our kids- in many of our cases, FULL time with our children- we must be VERY aware of the negative behaviors we have that they are going to pick up on. We can fool ourselves into believing that we are doing well enough if we don't use curse words, or avoid certain discussions in front of our kids. But that is obvious behavior, and not what I'm talking about. Grab a cup of coffee, and take a seat. It's time to get real.
I know you are perfect. I know you would never do the things I have done. But just for fun, let's propose that we all make mistakes, we all have baggage, and every once and a while, that baggage rears it's ugly head. Have you ever yelled at your kids? Ever thrown anything? Do they see you procrastinating? Do you have a bad habit like smoking? Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks? Are you depressed? Do you eat junk food all day? Do you see where I'm going?
Everything we say and do affects our children, and not always for the better. I have been a mom for 6 years and 7 months, and I JUST learned what that really means. It means that I have a lot of changing to do, and that I am extremely fortunate to have the very best tools available to me to help me change my negative behaviors.
Before I introduce the tools, I want to share how all of this came to me. First, I recognized that I have many faults that I'm just not happy with. Second, I wondered how to fix them. On some level, I thought, "I am the way I am because God made me that way." But that was a cop out. Third, I prayed about them. Once God saw that I was ready to hear what I needed to hear, He provided a solution. One day I went to the computer and received an email that changed my life.
This email came at the RIGHT time, after I had already recognized my faults, wanted to fix them, and prayed about them. Had any of these things not happened, I don't think I would have been ready for the information that came my way. Isn't it funny how these things happen?
The email was from Mike Brescia, with Think Right Now! International. I had never heard of Mike, nor had I ever searched out self-help or personal development products. I don't know why I never did, because I certainly needed them! His line of products are designed to help you with anything and everything you could possibly struggle with. To learn more about the products, click on the link above.
The reason I wanted to talk about this in my blog is because we are THE biggest influence on our children. Period. As my children get older I see myself in them, the good and the bad. And it's not too late to work on the bad before it gets out of hand. My main priority as they grow and mature is to keep them close and have a good relationship with them so that they can talk to me about absolutely anything. My personality flaws were not going to work toward that end, so it is MY responsibility to fix that. I am also mentioning it here because so far the products I've used have been HIGHLY effective. As busy moms, these tools are absolutely the BEST on the market. You simply play the CD's in the background and go about your day. They are not lecture or how-to audios, they simply improve your thought patterns as they relate to the issue you want to improve. All you do is listen!
I hope and pray that someone comes across this post who is ready to learn this information. Is it you? No matter where you are in your journey, remember that your kids deserve the very best mom or dad that you can possibly be. And never forget that you are passing down to them everything that they witness. Can you say that it's all good?
I know you are perfect. I know you would never do the things I have done. But just for fun, let's propose that we all make mistakes, we all have baggage, and every once and a while, that baggage rears it's ugly head. Have you ever yelled at your kids? Ever thrown anything? Do they see you procrastinating? Do you have a bad habit like smoking? Do you suffer from anxiety or panic attacks? Are you depressed? Do you eat junk food all day? Do you see where I'm going?
Everything we say and do affects our children, and not always for the better. I have been a mom for 6 years and 7 months, and I JUST learned what that really means. It means that I have a lot of changing to do, and that I am extremely fortunate to have the very best tools available to me to help me change my negative behaviors.
Before I introduce the tools, I want to share how all of this came to me. First, I recognized that I have many faults that I'm just not happy with. Second, I wondered how to fix them. On some level, I thought, "I am the way I am because God made me that way." But that was a cop out. Third, I prayed about them. Once God saw that I was ready to hear what I needed to hear, He provided a solution. One day I went to the computer and received an email that changed my life.
This email came at the RIGHT time, after I had already recognized my faults, wanted to fix them, and prayed about them. Had any of these things not happened, I don't think I would have been ready for the information that came my way. Isn't it funny how these things happen?
The email was from Mike Brescia, with Think Right Now! International. I had never heard of Mike, nor had I ever searched out self-help or personal development products. I don't know why I never did, because I certainly needed them! His line of products are designed to help you with anything and everything you could possibly struggle with. To learn more about the products, click on the link above.
The reason I wanted to talk about this in my blog is because we are THE biggest influence on our children. Period. As my children get older I see myself in them, the good and the bad. And it's not too late to work on the bad before it gets out of hand. My main priority as they grow and mature is to keep them close and have a good relationship with them so that they can talk to me about absolutely anything. My personality flaws were not going to work toward that end, so it is MY responsibility to fix that. I am also mentioning it here because so far the products I've used have been HIGHLY effective. As busy moms, these tools are absolutely the BEST on the market. You simply play the CD's in the background and go about your day. They are not lecture or how-to audios, they simply improve your thought patterns as they relate to the issue you want to improve. All you do is listen!
I hope and pray that someone comes across this post who is ready to learn this information. Is it you? No matter where you are in your journey, remember that your kids deserve the very best mom or dad that you can possibly be. And never forget that you are passing down to them everything that they witness. Can you say that it's all good?
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