Behavior Problems in Schools

Yesterday my son attended day 1 of a week long basketball camp.  I arrived about an hour early so I could observe the instruction and my son's participation. I pleasantly learned something, and secretly wished I could stay ALL day and watch. But I also noticed a problem. There was this kid...this ONE kid who was out of control. Of course, he had to be in MY son's group, right? He was knocking the ball out of other boys' hands when they were doing shooting drills. He was grabbing the ball away from others when it was not his turn. He was pushing others out of their spots to take the spot he wanted. I watched him for about twenty minutes and came really close to getting up myself and telling him to behave.

The scene is this: A gym full of 60-80 kids ages 8-18. They were broken up into 6 groups. There were only enough basketballs for about one to every two players. So there was some wait and share time, but everyone got a turn. The problem was, he did not know how to patiently wait for his turn. He either made it his turn, or bugged the others he was waiting on. This is a Christian basketball camp. I think if it were not, he would have gotten knocked out by someone on day one...

I asked my son if the boy had gotten in trouble at all during the day. "Ooooh yeah, " he said.

"A lot?" I asked.

"Yes."

On the drive home, I thought about school. I thought about those same boys on the basketball court dealing with a kid like that at school. Because every classroom has a kid, if not kids, like him. I imagined these boys EVERY SINGLE DAY having to deal with a kid like that. He never shuts up. Asks off the wall questions just to throw the teacher off. Pokes the kid next to him. Always playing pranks. Throwing things at kids. Not paying attention. Getting his (or her!) group in trouble. Could you imagine that? Do you remember that kid in your class?

Imagine all the time (YOUR CHILD'S TIME!) that gets lost at school because of this kid. Even worse, imagine your child's frustration. Like that co-worker you try to avoid...at least you have a choice! You are probably going through the steps in your mind right now of the discipline procedure that should be in place for this child. You probably have already had him thrown out of school in your mind.

Now what if it was YOUR child? Hmmmm

I know why I prefer homeschooling my children. But my daughter's reason for WANTING to be homeschooled is completely different from mine. I am 100% sure that her #1 reason would be exactly the above. I wonder how many other children would choose the same if given the choice.

Is your child dealing with a troublemaker at school?

Easter Funny

A few days after Easter, my daughter came to me and asked if she could have some of her chocolate bunny. The bunny was solid, dark chocolate, and I didn't think anything of it as I sent her on her way with the bunny in hand. She came to me a few minutes later, bloody tooth in one hand, and her bunny in the other. "My tooth fell out!" she cried. At first I panicked, because she didn't have any loose teeth ready to come out. "Was the bunny that hard?" I wondered. Seeing visions of a toothless child with teeth falling out all over the place, I remembered that she had been complaining about her two bottom teeth hurting. So I checked the other one next to it, and sure enough, it was loose. Since it wasn't to the point of hanging on by a thread, her tooth coming out was a total shock.

I wanted to take a picture to commemorate the "big event" so I put her in front of the window and she showed me her missing tooth. Later when I downloaded pictures, I learned that she and Thomas had taken pictures of each other with their bunnies, as they didn't want to eat them unless they could "preserve" them. So essentially, I have a "before" picture, and an "after" picture. It cracked me up. The pictures are so similar, as if I planned them.

I also have a son...

I've been writing about my daughter so much that I thought I should write about my son a little! Anna is at that age where she is just blossoming and Thomas has already been through that stage. His progression is much slower, even though he still blows me away daily with his knowledge and abilities! For instance, recently he spent his allowance on a Star Wars Lego set. The next day, we took a little break from school and he worked on it a little bit. He started it the night before. He got frustrated for a minute, and then as soon as he asked for my help he saw where he went wrong and corrected it himself. It was then that I realized how much a child really gets out of building, so I decided as long as he stuck with it, that would be his "school." Little did I know that he would not quit! He worked on it for the rest of the day, and when I went to check his progress, I took a look at the box. He was about 75% finished with a set that is meant for 8-12 year-olds. When I showed it to him and explained what it meant, he understood why I had the look of astonishment on my face. Here he was, almost 7, doing a "big boy" project all on his own! Night time came up before he could get it complete, so he finally asked his dad if he wanted to help. They finished it together.

Because Thomas does not typically stick with something this challenging for that long, of course I made a big deal out of it. While his Lego abilities were nurtured over time, his perseverance is still something in the beginning stages of development. He is learning! Here he is with his new "Rogue Shadow."

It's Spring?

With Easter coming early this year, I am SO messed up. I know it only happened 3 days ago, but how did I miss the first day of spring?! I've been waiting for its arrival all winter, and I totally missed the date! Of course, when we woke up for Easter this morning, it was 30 degrees outside, so it's easy to miss the change in season. We've noticed the days getting longer, and I know what that means.... I won't have to freeze anymore! HALLELUJAH! It also means for some that the end of the school year is coming soon, which for many that also means TESTING. Fun stuff. We school year 'round, which is good, because we haven't done school for two weeks due to me having to get three teeth pulled. The nice thing is that we can take time off whenever we want: if someone's sick, if we have things to do, or if we just want to play a little. The kids are ahead of where they should be, so that makes it even nicer. The funny thing is, I had my teeth pulled a week before "spring break." I planned on having school during the next week (spring break) and my son said- even though he had JUST had an entire week off- "Isn't this spring break?" Lucky for him, I wasn't able to get things together in order to have school, so they really did have a spring break- and then some. Well, I've got way too much to do, so go read someone else's blog...:o)

The Flu Hit Our Home!

What a week we had last week! February 15-16 we had a women's conference at our church and as Saturday came to a close, I remember thinking how drained I felt. I went home and slept the rest of the afternoon, but went to bed feeling pretty good. Sunday morning came, and I knew things were not going to go well! I felt horrible. Before I had a chance to put my feet on the floor, my son came in and said, "Mommy, I'm sick!"
"Me, too!" I replied. I don't remember much after that! The week went by like a blur. I couldn't get out of bed. I lost 3 lbs. the first day, just from being too tired to eat. I tossed and turned all night in the bed, having to re-position myself because of the pain I'd feel if I stayed in the same position too long (which was about 30 minutes!) Somehow, I got through the week with absolutely no medicine, and on day 3, I thought it was behind me. Then I did three loads of laundry (I had not done laundry in over two weeks and it HAD to be done!) Needless to say, I ended up back in bed that night with a fever of 101.3. I'd been tricked!
Poor Thomas pretty much laid on the sofa and watched television. No complaints there. But he was miserable, too. Luckily, we were able to get his dad to come over and take care of him a little bit, and bring food. A week and a day later, we are almost back to normal. Just really run down and ready to get back on schedule.
The real story here is Anna, my five year-old. Think about the things that a five year-old could get into if they had free reign on the house!! What did she do? Crafts! She had the best time, between coming up to check on me, taking care of her brother, and doing just about every craft you can imagine. At the end of the week, I told her she could use any of the craft stuff whenever she wanted since she had done such a good job during the week just keeping herself busy and cleaning up when she was done (mostly!) She was so proud of that, she has been telling everyone we see! So I thought I'd share some of her work. Before we got sick, she made this Valentine's day card for my sister:














She used stamps, ribbon, star embellishments, sequins, photos, and markers. I had to stop her at the seashells and cotton balls. Those will have to go on another project that doesn't have to survive the machine at the post office. At some point in my delirium, I remember her bringing some play doh things to me and telling some great stories. It was dark in the room and my head hurt too bad to lift up to see her work. The next day I could see them in the daylight:

The first one is a monkey, with blue and yellow flip-flops, sitting on a chair. She had a picture to go by, but still really good for a five year old. The second is obviously a cow, and I had to share because I got an "udderly" great laugh when I saw it. It's funny the things that a small girl will notice. I'm not too surprised, since I will never forget when she was maybe three years old and pointed to a woman's tennis shoes in line at Whole Foods and announced that she has shoes just like me. I hadn't worn those shoes in at least a couple of months, but sure enough, they were the same exact kind. But here is my favorite one EVER. When Anna was 3 years and 4 months, we were in the living room. I was drinking from my favorite cup:

Anna was busy doing something- she's always doodling- and I
didn't pay much attention. And then she gave me this drawing:


Isn't that amazing? I didn't get pictures of all her artwork from the sick week, but I am so glad she is who she is. Any other kid, and I'd have ended up with a burned down house, but instead I got artwork! She's been at it for quite a while, and does a little more everyday. I am so glad that she has the opportunity to improve her craft every day since she has tons of free time after schoolwork is finished. Just another benefit to homeschooling, I guess!

Fa La La La La, La La La La

My son, Thomas, participates in choir, which is a small group from nearby Liberty Academy, along with other homeschoolers. Liberty Academy is a small private school that uses ACE curriculum and it's a great, affordable alternative for parents who work and can't (or don't want to?) homeschool. The choir teacher, Patricia, is a DEAR, SWEET friend that Thomas absolutely adores. I learned this because I noticed that after each choir practice, he would talk to her. About anything. One day he told her about his loose tooth. He just isn't like that with most people at ALL. So she is a very special person. As a matter of fact, it is Patricia's church that we visit at Christmas time to see their special choir/orchestra program, "Rejoice! It's Christmas!" And it was this program that helped my son learn about the plan of salvation. (She bawled when I told her about him accepting Christ!)

Anyway, Thomas is the youngest singer by a year. He looks so little up there. Anna, who is even smaller, was supposed to sing, but after being sick in the fall she decided to wait until spring to join the choir and perform. (The truth is that she doesn't like sharing the stage with others, so we will see what happens when she is asked to perform this spring!) They both love singing, and even though they sometimes say, "I don't want to go to choir!" they find themselves giggling when I catch them singing their songs around the house. They are not children's songs, so it's really neat that they have the opportunity to learn these songs and get to sing them with other children/ young adults.

This picture shows Thomas and who he calls his "best friend," Nolan. Nolan is eight years older than Thomas, and another homeschooler. The age difference doesn't matter, though, and they have learned a lot from each other!

My Five Year-Old Genius

My daughter just turned five in November. She has always had incredible insight, even on things that I did not "teach" her. So we started kindergarten when she was 4, and take it slowly since we aren't stuck in "grade levels." In her math book yesterday, she had this problem:

If you have 4 pennies, could you buy all of this candy? (Five pieces of candy are shown.) "No," she says. (It is already stated that one piece of candy costs one cent).

"How many could you buy?" I innocently ask.

"Well," she responded, "you could get none, or 1, or 2, or 3, all the way up to 4."

My face just froze and I dropped my head and laughed. Another great answer from my insightful five year-old. And THAT'S why I homeschool!

My Baby Turns 5!

I am still not over the shock that my "baby" turned 5 last month. We celebrated her birthday while we were out of town for Thanksgiving, and my sister gave her a Strawberry Shortcake party. It was a lot of fun! Anna is a bright little girl. We started kindergarten with her a year early, and she started reading when she was 4. She is a wonderful artist and some of her artwork amazes me. I'm so glad I get to stay home with her and enjoy her all day!

Socializing the Stay At Home Child

I love this topic, so I'm bound to repeat it (again). It has amazed me over the years that people still assume that homeschooled children grow up to be anti-social. As a matter of fact, I have noticed a lot of things that perhaps working parents are too busy to notice.

The first is that most schooled children do not meet my standards for a playmate for either of my children. They don't know how to behave, and they cannot relate to adults. As a matter of fact, we often witness them being rude and disrespectful to their parents. At a party recently, my son came to me in tears, which is somewhat expected considering the child he had been playing with. I took him aside and had a talk, to which he ended with this comment: "I wish (said child) went to OUR school so that she could learn how to behave!"

The second is that schooled students quickly learn their place in the order of things. They are either the bully, the bullied, or somewhere in between, depending on who else is in the room. This is "socialization." When homeschooled children play with schooled children, this is a foreign concept to them, and I've seen the interactions that take place, even on the playground. No matter where they go, schooled children look for their place in the "pecking order" so that they know where to fit in with other kids. How sad!

There have been plenty of articles written that I will post here for parents who might be considering homeschooling and are concerned about socialization. After reading these, I'm sure you will agree that children raised and taught at home have nothing to worry about when it comes to socialization!

Homeschooling and the Myth of Socialization

Socialization: Homeschoolers Are in the Real World

Socialization: The "S" Word - A number of articles available here.

Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts

Afternoons at Homeschool

I often wonder what other families do when they have finished "school" for the day. We learn all day long, but only do school "work" for about two hours. On this particular day, I had some errands to run. As a treat to my kids (and the 3 year old that we babysit) the end of our errands included a trip to McDonald's. (Honestly, this was also a way to keep from cleaning up dishes AGAIN!) Our town is less than a mile from one end to the other, so literally our errands only took 15 minutes. Each child got a happy meal, which included a car that you put stickers on. Waiting for my slow poke daughter to finish her meal, my son and Aiden (the three year old) vrrroooomed the cars all over the tables and chairs and that's when I got a good idea. I suggested we could set up a ramp on our front steps and see which car would go the fastest.

After Aiden's nap, I quickly found two boards that I had in my office. I laid them on the stairs and the kids had a blast! I pulled out some other cars and trucks that we had in our toybox and they had fun watching which cars went the farthest. The little girl from next door came over, since she is in half day school. This activity went on for a while. I did not explain gravity, friction, mass or velocity, but simply let them observe. This was not a lesson. It was merely their way of having fun and subconciously learning something that will become important down the road.

With all the bikes, scooters, and skateboards in our yard, I was surprised that no one had tried the ramp yet. So after I suggested it, my son worked up some bravery and tried the skateboard (sitting down). It was so much fun, they spent the rest of the afternoon seeing if they could go further and further down the sidewalk. Yes, it occurred to me that other kids were inside doing their homework. That's just another benefit to homeschooling. NO HOMEWORK!!

What do you do in the afternoons?

Reasons for Homeschooling

There are some well-accepted and popular reasons for homeschooling. Some are

• safety concerns,
• curriculum preferences (a religious curriculum over a secular one),
• inferior educators in the public schools,
• unnatural socialization in schools,
• concerns of indoctrination of our children in schools, and
• simply recognizing that a parent is the best teacher for his/her child.

When I went to our "Kindergarten Round-up" last year to learn more about the public school, some really good questions began flooding through my brain. What if Thomas got hungry in the middle of the day? What if he wanted a drink? Would he have to drink nasty water from the water fountain? Would he be given candy every day as a reward? Does the room have carpet? How can a carpeted room with 20 5-6 year olds be healthy? Will they use safe cleaners? Do they spray the school with pesticides?

I recognize that most parents would not even think about these things. But to parents like me, they all matter. Why would I provide the healthiest home possible, and then send my child to school all day? A school where they are sure to use chlorox, toxic floor cleaners, and pesticides in the classroom. Think I'm crazy? I just received a newsletter from Dr. Mercola with a link to an article stating that 80 percent of schools are applying pesticides. I live in a small town, where they spray the ball park for mosquitoes, and when a lice outbreak occurs, they "treat the room" (whatever that means) without so much as a letter to parents. People in our town still smoke like chimneys, so you can see that we wouldn't get much sympathy if we said anything!

So to my list of "reasons for homeschooling" I now add, "providing a healthy learning environment." We will learn in our purified air, drink distilled water, clean with non-toxic cleaners, and eat healthy food when we're hungry!

The Things Kids Say...

My son has provided me with some of the best laughs a mom could imagine. When he was about 3 years old, I remember working at my desk and trying to finish what I was doing before I attended to whatever he desperately needed me for. After too many, "Mommy's!" I finally explained to him that he was old enough to start learning what it means to be patient, and that I would be done in just a minute. I realized he only heard half of what I said when he replied to me: "Mommy, YOU be the patient! I want to be the doctor!"

For more funny kid stories, check out this Blog Carnival!

Socialization of Homeschoolers

The past couple of weeks have been "VBS" time for us, first at our own church, and then at our friends' church. I worked in the craft area, so I got to see every child of every age come through at some point. I also got to see my two children, which of course was a joy.

But the second day into it, I got a call from my friend, a fellow homeschooler. "Is everything okay?" she wondered. Not knowing what she meant, my mind began racing. But she quickly filled me in. The day before, Thomas, my six year old, had gotten upset during story time. He did not want to participate in the group activity. He is GREAT at sitting quietly and listening, but when it comes to him participating in an activity that is not on "his schedule" or for which he does not know the outcome, he panics. He wants to know what, when, where, why, and how, before he agrees to take part in the "unknown" and of course, most people either won't understand this, or won't take the time to explain.

This is when I really started thinking about the way people view homeschooled children. Other parents would look at my child and immediately think, "oh, see what homeschooling does to children? He can't handle x, y, OR z!" I know that this happens. I've seen forums and blogs discussing just this thing and people talk about how "dysfunctional" many homeschoolers are, especially when they go off to college and can't "relate." Do they ever think that children were this way BEFORE homeschooling?

No, they usually want to find a reason to be comfortable with the school system. It's the easier way, the less time consuming way, and the way of the mainstream. It's easy to make a case out of one experience a person has had: "Well, when I was in college there was a homeschooled girl that quit after one quarter simply because she couldn't fit in..." First of all, I wouldn't want to "fit in" with most college activities, and secondly, it's ONE person! Basing your opinion on one person is ludicrous, and - the easy way out.

My daughter was in pre-school for a short time, and I remember asking her if she'd like to, "stay home with Mommy and Thomas?" She jumped at the chance! I already knew that a little girl had pushed her down on the playground (which the teacher didn't see, and therefore she felt there was no justice, making it even harder to get over) but she seemed willing and eager to go on Tuesdays and Thursdays. Months later, she told me, "I didn't want to go to school with those babies!" Sure enough, her pre-school friends seemed "behind" socially and intellectually but I never imagined she would pick up on this. She was ready to play with others, and they were still stuck in themselves. Imagine the torture this was for her! She is now four, and while I have held back on teaching her, is on a 5-6 year level socially, conceptually, and even in motor skills. Because her birthday is in November, she would have to wait another year for kindergarten if she went to public school. Can you imagine?!

My children have participated in dance, scouts, soccer, choir, church, homeschool groups, and other activities. They are not thrust into a classroom with same-age kids all day long with only one moderator to make sure everything is okay. While my son is very analytical about EVERYTHING, everyday his comfort level improves to where he is actually almost social! My daughter will talk to everyone who looks her way. If you want to make a case against socialization of homeschoolers, you don't want to look at my family! Because you simply will not be able to draw any conclusions, just like you can't draw conclusions on that "one girl in college..."

Why I Stay Home

Fourteen years ago, when I graduated from Georgia State University with a teaching degree, I never imagined that one day I would be a stay at home mom who homeschools. But after two years teaching middle school kids, I realized this career was NOT for me, and that I would never put my children into school.

Fourteen years ago, homeschooling was somewhat a novel idea. Many years later when I finally had children of my own, the decision to stay at home was a no-brainer. When my son was two and my daughter was six months, I had become a work at home mom selling cloth diapers and other baby products. With two in diapers, that was a no-brainer as well! As they both grew and flourished, the demand on my time was pulled between my kids and my business on a daily basis like a tug-of-war that no one ever won. I quickly realized how difficult it was to have a home business as well as spend quality time with my children. I also learned how to make every moment count, by providing educational toys for my children that would help them grow and connect synapses in their brains, and by playing with them and talking to them during play.

I remember one day that I had on a t-shirt with writing on it. I don't remember what it said, but I do remember my son pointing and saying the letters. It was then that I thought that there should be an entire line of products geared just for the children of WAHM's (work at home moms) so that children could learn letters, numbers, shapes, colors, etc. in day to day life as they connect with their moms between phone calls and errands. That was over three years ago, and I still think there is a need! Maybe one day, but right now I am developing things for my own children that I hope to get into the market very soon.

We have just completed our first year of homeschooling, and I have to admit the decision was not easy. We now live in another part of the country, and in a small town. Out of selfishness, I convinced myself that this would NOT be the same situation as the school in which I taught. Somehow, it would be different. A month before school started, God began to speak to me. All of a sudden people I had never met before came into my path- all homeschoolers. Things began to happen that made me realize that school is school, no matter where you live, and if I wanted the BEST for my child, school was not an option.

Thirteen years after getting my degree, I became a member of the homeschooling community. Ironically, all those psychology courses they shoved down our throats in the teaching program convinced me that school is not a place for my children! So I stay home, and continue my business, and teach. The tug-of-war has become weaker over time, and it is my prayer that one day I will smile from ear to ear when my children say, "What can we do to help, Mom?" And I will know that I have raised a Stay At Home Child.