Don Eddy Basketball Camp

In April, I wrote about my son's basketball history. In June, he attended the Don Eddy Basketball Camp, and I have to say, I watched him turn into a completely different player. The camp is great at teaching ball handling drills. It is an offensive camp, but it's amazing what they learn about defense as well. One of the least favorite things my son experienced at the camp was probably the one thing that pushed him the most as a player.

He was partnered with two other players for the week for their "3 on 3" games. One was a pretty lazy big kid who preferred to attempt 3-pointers (and made very little). The other was a small girl, who looked to be about 8, whose skills were lacking, who was also a ball hog. She had to be, because she knew once she gave the ball up, she would probably not be getting it back! Big Lazy also had an attitude and often made Little Girl cry. (She was pretty irritating, but give her a break!) My son, The Defender, was the only one who realized the other team would score if they didn't play defense, and I think it was only because I was watching and pointed it out.

The week started out pretty ugly during "3 on 3." I think he dreaded that portion of camp. Big Lazy and Little Girl just didn't seem to help The Defender out much. Not that he did everything right, either, but I saw him learning as the week went on. I saw him playing pretty aggressive basketball, because he realized HE was the one who "got it" and HE had to step up and perform. I WAS AMAZED. Seriously, I was almost to the point of tears. Okay, maybe I DID tear up a little...

The Defender gained the knowledge, the skills, the how-tos, and wanted to play on the winning team. But that was not to be. So instead of sulking and giving up, he used what he learned and realized HE could make it a winning team. They did win some games, even games against some of the better teams. When we left on the last day, he did confirm how he despised his "3 on 3" team. I laughed. "You have noooooo idea what being on that team did for you," I told him. "Because of that team and because you practiced what they taught you, I guarantee you that you improved more than anyone else here at the camp. By a lot. Sometimes God has a plan for you that isn't very fun, but it gets you to where you want to go." I think he gets it. I hope so.

If you have the opportunity to attend a Don Eddy Camp, DO IT. Just do it...

The Socializatin Myth in Schools

Here we go again. This topic comes up in my life fairly often, because with two kids now in school for almost a whole year, well, it's going to. My kids were homeschooled through 2nd and 3rd grades, and were not "socialized" at school like their peers have been. I didn't realize it would even be an issue until my daughter was in first grade and would play with the neighbors when they would come home from school. She would come inside after a couple of hours, asking questions about why the girls were acting the way they were acting. That's when it occurred to me that the "games girls play" were being learned by these girls in school, and my daughter, without being "socialized" had no idea how to play them. You know those games...the manipulation, the cattiness, the, "I'll be your friend, IF..." The, "let's be mad at X..." and the exluding someone for whatever reason... It's just a big ol' ugly mess.

Most parents who were schooled or have kids in school think this is perfectly normal, or a rite of passage that every child encounters during childhood. Unfortunately, that's what leads to bullying. Kids left to fend for themselves, and choose their pecking order on the playground are either the top dog, the middle of the road kid, or the one who gets picked on. Often, these roles change daily. It could be because your child wore something unique that the other kids decide to pick on. It could be because your child got a haircut. It could be because your child did or said something that someone else wants to pick on. It could be the change of the wind...who knows?

So what is it about schools that lead to this socialization problem with kids? It is not lack of supervision. Nope...it's NOT the teachers' faults. Or the principals'. It's the entire system. That's correct...if your child goes to school, it is going to happen no matter what you do or say, no matter how much you grumble or complain; someone at school will be getting picked on and someone will be the underdog. The biggest reason mis-socialization occurs in schools is the fact that children are grouped together according to age. When you combine children into a group of twenty or so, all of the same general age, there are going to be problems. The "pecking order" commences when students play their little games to determine who is the top dog and where everyone else stands. If ONLY we combined children of different ages for a great part of their day, the socialization problem would practically disappear, since older child tend to naturally lead younger children, and younger children naturally listen to their older peers. The "games" no longer are necessary.

But there are other factors as well, that are inherent in schools. It is eloquently put here...

"Instead of being locked behind school gates in what some would consider an artificial setting characterized by bells, forced silence and age-segregation, homeschoolers frequently extend their everyday classroom to fire departments, hospitals, museums, repair shops, city halls, national parks, churches and colleges, where real community interaction and contacts are made."

It is interesting that most school administrators believe that homeschooled students have inferior social skills when compared to schooled students. In actuality, the opposite is true. And it's not even close. Schooled students are actually FAR more anti-social than homeschooled students. While parents of schooled students can make a big difference by using their time with their kids wisely, they first have to recognize the importance of their time and the influence they can have on their kids in the few hours they see them in the evenings. Unfortunately, many parents don't realize the value they possess and don't see the need in helping their children by talking over and working through problems kids have at school. Parents also should make sure to take their kids where they go, such as running errands. The more real world experience children receive, the better their understanding of it. And the less important those playground games seem to be.

Socialization- Again

This is such a frequent argument to homeschooling that I will share any articles I come across on it. Here is one from Dr. Laura: http://www.drlaurablog.com/2008/05/22/home-schooling-does-not-hamper-socialization/

Socializing the Stay At Home Child

I love this topic, so I'm bound to repeat it (again). It has amazed me over the years that people still assume that homeschooled children grow up to be anti-social. As a matter of fact, I have noticed a lot of things that perhaps working parents are too busy to notice.

The first is that most schooled children do not meet my standards for a playmate for either of my children. They don't know how to behave, and they cannot relate to adults. As a matter of fact, we often witness them being rude and disrespectful to their parents. At a party recently, my son came to me in tears, which is somewhat expected considering the child he had been playing with. I took him aside and had a talk, to which he ended with this comment: "I wish (said child) went to OUR school so that she could learn how to behave!"

The second is that schooled students quickly learn their place in the order of things. They are either the bully, the bullied, or somewhere in between, depending on who else is in the room. This is "socialization." When homeschooled children play with schooled children, this is a foreign concept to them, and I've seen the interactions that take place, even on the playground. No matter where they go, schooled children look for their place in the "pecking order" so that they know where to fit in with other kids. How sad!

There have been plenty of articles written that I will post here for parents who might be considering homeschooling and are concerned about socialization. After reading these, I'm sure you will agree that children raised and taught at home have nothing to worry about when it comes to socialization!

Homeschooling and the Myth of Socialization

Socialization: Homeschoolers Are in the Real World

Socialization: The "S" Word - A number of articles available here.

Social Skills and Homeschooling: Myths and Facts